Democrats and Dogs
By Elona Baron (as told to Laurie Baron)
SAN DIEGO−Now that I have become a prolific pooch pundit, I want to tell you which Democratic presidential candidates pass my sniff test. Before I do, I need to howl a bit about Donald Trump. He is the first president since William McKinley, who died in office in 1901, not to own a dog. Although Trump claims he doesn’t have time to walk a dog, his physique indicates that he doesn’t have time to walk at all. He once asked a crowd at one of his rallies how he would look walking a dog on the White House lawn. I can answer that, “Fat, like you always look.” Parenthetically, I heard that he’s mean to kittens and always is trying to grab them. Ivanka recently bought a puppy for her daughter, and, he liked it because it is white and has blue eyes. He hates Chihuahuas and has halted their importation from Mexico. I surmise that Trump doesn’t want a dog is because there’s only room for one Pit Bull in the Oval Office.
Democrats welcome dogs into their fold. They even have a faction called the Blue Dogs. Elizabeth Warren owns a Golden Retriever named Bailey after the compassionate banker in It’s a Wonderful Life. If Trump owned the same dog, he’d call it Gordon Gekko. Pete Buttigieg has adopted two shelter dogs, Buddy and Truman. This symbolizes his centrist politics. Why not Roosevelt and Truman? Kristin Gillibrand has a Labradoodle named Maple. She has left it up to Maple to choose to be spayed. Joe Biden ranks as the most popular candidate among dogs because he fostered and then adopted his German Shepherd Major. Major doesn’t mind him how much Joe pets him. Biden and Major have been featured on an ad for the Delaware Humane Society increasing his name recognition among dogs. Beto O’Rourke owns two black dogs and a cat. This enhances his reputation for promoting diversity, but might hurt his prospects with dogmatic and racist voters.
As far as it concerns those without dogs, Cory Booker has pledged that he will adopt a dog if he gets elected president. If that doesn’t happen, will it condemn another to be euthanized because his political ambitions are not fulfilled? He did save a dog from freezing to death on a cold night in Newark. Bernie Sanders has no dogs, but he certainly barks a lot. Finally, Kamala Harris has tweeted, “Dogs are always welcome in my Senate office as long as they aren’t lobbying for the pet food industry.” It is too early for me to endorse a candidate, but any of these dog fanciers would be better than the golden deceiver. As Kinky Friedman once quipped, “Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.”
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Elona resides with Bonnie and Laurie Baron. The latter is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com. No animals were harmed in the writing of this column.