Humoring the headlines: August 29, 2019

Donald Trump’s Endvironmentalism

By Laurie Baron

Lawrence Baron

SAN DIEGO- At the recent G7 meeting, Donald Trump claimed, “I’m an environmentalist.” Was the term he actually uttered “endvironmentalist?”  Here’s a fact check.

*

The G7 devoted a session to climate change and decided to partially fund the effort to extinguish the fires in the Amazon.  Trump neither attended nor approved of the funding.  Maybe he thinks Jeff Bezos owns the Amazon.

*

At the G7 meeting, Trump declared, “I’m not going to lose American wealth. I’m not going to lose it on dreams and windmills, which, frankly, aren’t working too well.”  Indeed, to show off how smart he is, he was tempted to add, “I’m like Don Coyote who tilted at windmills.”

*

Did he want to buy Greenland to tackle the problem of its melting glaciers?  I suspect that he planned to build a wall to contain that water and then purchase supertankers to transport it for fighting the fires in the Amazon for a profit.

*

It has been reported that Trump has suggested dropping nuclear bombs on hurricanes to disrupt their course.  Although the White House has denied these reports, Trump probably believes that since no typhoons hit Hiroshima and Nagasaki on the days they were bombed, this could work.

*

Trump has ordered Agriculture Secretary Sonny Perdue to exempt Alaska’s Tongass National Forest from logging restrictions.  If it enriches the Brazilian economy, then shouldn’t it be tried in Alaska?  Soon Sarah Palin will be able to see forest fires from her house!

*

Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com. San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.