Rudy and the Art of the Subtle Quid Pro Quo
SAN DIEGO−Rudy Giuliani finally recognized that admitting the crimes the president is accused of is not a good legal strategy. Therefore, he is concocting more subtle ways of conveying to foreign leaders that they should investigate Joe Biden and his son Hunter for corruption. Here’s a draft for a future call he plans to make to the Chinese Embassy.
Rudy: Mr. Trump wants to alter his fried chicken, hamburger, and taco bowl routine a bit and try more exotic cuisine. Could you ask your chief chief−I meant to say chef−to cook up some Shim Son and Joe Mein. He’d consider eliminating the sales tax on Chinese takeout and export cheap American soy beans to China for manufacturing soy sauce. Of course, you’d have to deliver−the food I mean.
Chinese Ambassador: I don’t think we can help you. We’re a diplomatic post and not a restaurant. Besides, there are no Chinese dishes called Shim Son and Joe Mein. Does this have anything to do with the president requesting that China investigate the Bidens?
Rudy: Of course not, he was joking. The world should know by now not to take his statements too seriously. He appreciates how cooperative China has been in granting Ivanka trademarks. As he always says, “Make trademarks, not trade wars.” You are right. I misspoke: I meant Dim Sum (if I had said Dim Son, I would have been referring to Eric) and Lo Mein. He was craving Chinese food, that’s all. He heard you are experts in preparing squid. In other words he seeks to order some squid by pros to alter his eating status quo.
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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com. San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.