By Elona Baron as told to Laurie Baron
SAN DIEGO−My owner is a news junkie. For the past week, he has disturbed my precious slumber by watching the House impeachment inquiry on television. Although the cats sleep so deeply that they haven’t listened to any of it, I haven’t been as fortunate. Rather than waste my time tossing and turning, I have tried to grasp the charges against Trump so I can convey them to the dogs I meet on my walks. The story goes something like this:
Ukie, a pup who was grew up in a pound, escaped when the pound closed down. Ukie depended on a human family to feed him scraps. He was just getting the hang of living independently when the pound reopened and appointed a new dog catcher named Putie.
Putie plotted to recapture Ukie, but Ukie found that the family living in a nearby house sympathized with his plight. They gave him food and shelter. The family’s patriarch at that time had a name that sounded like Bark. He and his family hired a veterinarian to sharpen Ukie’s teeth and train him to be a watchdog.
When Bark moved away, his evil uncle Donny became the head of the household. Donny agreed to continue protecting Ukie, but only if he bit Uncle Joe who aspired to be the family’s patriarch. Though even many of Donny’s supporters felt obligated to protect Ukie, Donny dispatched a bunch of pit bulls to assist Putie in hunting down Ukie if he refused to bite Uncle Joe.
When cornered by Donny and his minions, Ukie seemed willing to do their bidding until Bark’s relatives exposed Donny’s scheme and filed a law suit to transfer custody of Ukie back to them. Donny claims he never made defending Ukie contingent on biting Uncle Joe despite some of his subordinates recalling that they overheard him doing exactly that.
If Bark’s relatives conclude that Donny acted illegally, then his fate will be decided by Donny’s side of the family. In the end, justice may not prevail, but at least Donny will know that it is wrong to betray an underdog.
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Elona resides with Bonnie and Laurie Baron. The latter is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com. No animals were harmed in the writing of this column.