The Donald’s Diagnosis
SAN DIEGO−President Trump unexpectedly underwent a physical this Saturday. Although Trump tweeted that this was a routine visit, the Fake News speculated that he had a medical emergency. Today his diagnosis appeared on Sikileaks:
“Patient sought treatment for a panic attack. He believes he is surrounded by anti-Trumpers, career civil servants, illegal immigrants, journalists, Kurds, radical Democrats, traitors, and Ukrainians.
Symptoms: Aggression, forgets prior statements, heavy breathing, hyperactive thumbs, lack of impulse control, nervous eating, projection of his motives onto others, and verbal incoherence.
Tests indicate he suffers from an impeachment pit in his stomach, an overdose of incriminating evidence, a sense of abandonment, and a sociopathic deficiency of conscience.
Prescription: Patient needs positive reinforcement. Should get out of Washington and do a campaign rally! Play some golf. Watch Fox News. Go to a meeting of Authoritarians Synonymous and invite Recip Erdogan, Kim Jong-Un, Mohammad bin Salman, Benjamin Netanyahu, Viktor Orban, and Vladimir Putin to commiserate and collaborate,
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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com. San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.