Leash Laws
By Elona Baron as told to Laurie Baron
SAN DIEGO−I went on my daily morning walk with my owner. While I was sniffing an odiferous patch of grass redolent of poop and urine recently deposited there by cats, dogs, rabbits, or squirrels−and I assure you my sense of smells is so keen I can distinguish among their scents−I glimpsed an off-leash German shepherd hurtling toward me. Before I had a chance to retreat or make a submissive gesture, he tried to bite me on the neck. Being smaller and quicker, I managed to jerk my head away from his mouth. Based on his unprovoked attack on another breed, I assume his name was Adolf. His owner profusely apologized for the incident and ingenuously assured mine that this had never happened before.
Although this was the first time I had encountered Adolf, I’ve had similar experiences in my two and a half years on this planet. No matter how tame and well-trained a dog seems to be, there’s no way to anticipate when animal instincts will overpower domestication. That’s why I’m so disappointed that none of the candidates for president has committed himself or herself to enforcing leash laws. Given the lack of universal Peticare, (Americans don’t even believe humans deserve free medical treatment), I’m sure my owner would not have been pleased if he had to pay the veterinarian for an emergency visit. This country must decide between maul or order.
But why discriminate against dogs? Some people should be kept on leashes too. The Golden Deceiver should not be allowed to meet with foreign leaders unless he is properly restrained and muzzled. Rabid Rudy should not be permitted to wander around Ukraine like a bloodhound pursuing Joe Biden and the DNC server. If only someone had put a rope around Harvey Weinstein’s neck whenever he was alone with a woman, he’d still be producing movies. In his case, however, castration might have been a more effective preventative measure. If dogs are considered too dangerous and unpredictable to be off-leash, then humans with the same potential need to be curbed for the protection of society!
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Elona resides with Bonnie and Laurie Baron. The latter is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com. No animals were harmed in the writing of this column.