The Scheme Team
SAN DIEGO−President Trump named his defense team for his impeachment trial in the Senate. His lawyers already have declared, “This is a brazen and unlawful attempt to overturn the results of the 2016 election and interfere with the 2020 election, now just months away.” I wondered whether they were referring to the impeachment articles or to Russian meddling in support of Trump, but at least they know how to take dictation. Here’s the roster of some of the most famous members of Team Trump and a preview of their arguments.
Alan Dershowitz: Harvard Law Professor, cable television commentator, and defense lawyer for O.J. Simpson, Jeffrey Epstein, and Claus von Bulow. He contends that a president can only be impeached for committing a crime and that abuse of power and obstruction of Congress are not crimes. Expect him to assert that Trump’s pressuring Ukraine to investigate Joe Biden by withholding congressionally approved military aid and refusal to cooperate with the House of Representative’s impeachment inquiry are minor infractions compared to allegedly killing wives or molesting minors.
Kenneth Starr: Led investigation which resulted in Bill Clinton’s impeachment; resigned from the presidency of Baylor University when it was revealed he had failed to do anything about a string of sexual assaults committed by some of school’s male athletes. Expect him to claim that Trump is a saint compared to Clinton because he had his affairs with Stormy Daniels and Karen McDougal before he became President and paid fair market price for both to keep quiet.
Pam Bondi: Former Attorney General of Florida who received a $25,000 illegal campaign donation from Trump’s “charitable” foundation shortly before she dropped the state’s inquiry into whether Trump University was a fraud. Expect her to rely heavily on the textbooks assigned to those enrolled in the university’s law courses “How to Succeed in Business without Really Paying Your Creditor” and “Bribery 101.”
Jay Sekulow: Frequent commentator on the Christian Broadcasting Network and Fox News and lawyer who specializes in cases where Christian clients feel their religious liberties have been infringed. Expect him to argue that Trump is a modern incarnation of Christ and that impeachment is tantamount to crucifixion. If things start to go poorly for the president, he might nonchalantly mention that Jerry Nadler, Adam Schiff, and Chuck Schumer are Jews.
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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com. San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.