Siba top dog by human, not canine, standards

By Elona Baron as told to Laurie Baron

Elona Baron

SAN DIEGO — While New Hampshire was voting in the presidential primary held this past Tuesday, the judges for the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show were selecting the winner of the Best in Show Award.   They chose a standard poodle named Siba.  Now I have nothing against poodles per se.  Indeed, they are highly intelligent, but in dog shows, superficial beauty is valued more than smartness.  That is why Siba received  the Westminster pewter trophy and hand-engraved Steuben crystal bowl as her rewards.  By the way, I find it obvious that these prizes are intended for Siba’s owners and not Siba whom I’m sure would prefer a year’s supply of filet mignon fed to her in the bowl and trophy which I surmise will end up in some display case.

Siba became top dog because she was groomed to conform to arbitrary criteria determined by humans for what constitutes breed beauty.  If Siba had a choice, do you think she would want to be seen as a dog assaulted by a stylist emulating Edward Scissorhands by wielding a blow dryer and clippers to fashion her into a walking black topiary?  The top of her head was modeled either after an Afro from the 1970s or the bearskin hats worn by the guards at Buckingham Palace.  Her ears look like someone pinned two cashmere mittens on each side of her head.  It appears that a black mink stole was wrapped around her midriff and that her tail was shocked with static electricity.  Furry black pompoms have been placed around her knees.  And what’s with the shaved face, legs, and buttocks?  She is simultaneously naked and overdressed.

I resent the aesthetic message the Westminster judges are sending to ordinary dogs like me.  Why do we need the canine equivalent of Vidal Sassoon to airbrush our fur into puffy mounds atop our heads and on our ears, thorax, tail, and knees which are separated by bare patches.    Whatever happened to the good old days when Rin Tin Tin and Lassie were considered beautiful?

 

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Elona resides with Bonnie and Laurie Baron. The latter is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com. No animals were harmed in the writing of this column.