By Elona Baron as told to Laurie Baron
(Under the pseudonym Charles Sickens)
SAN DIEGO−It had been the healthiest of times, but then it became the sickest of times. One day the rabies vaccine stopped working. There was a new virulent strain of distemper transmitted by wolves to their domesticated relatives. Dogs frothed at the mouth and bit humans and other dogs. Those who became infected suffered terribly and some died.
Two alpha dogs promulgated plans to end the epidemic. The Golden Deceiver feared alarming people because then they would stop adopting rescue dogs, boarding their dogs at kennels, employing grooming salons, and shopping at pet stores. When the outbreak worsened, he grudgingly tolerated isolating dogs from humans and other dogs, but hoped to hasten the day when owners could gather together at dog parks and run their dogs freely.
Poochie, who knew a lot about dog health because his master was a veterinarian, disagreed. He insisted that confining dogs to dog houses, limiting their walks and contacts with other dogs, and ordering dog products only from e commerce sites were the only ways to slow the spread of the disease until the contagion subsided. The Deceiver and Poochie growled a lot at each other, but the owners trusted Poochie when he predicted that eventually every dog would have his or her day. Their dogs accepted the restrictions with the following bark: “It is a far, far better thing that we curb ourselves more than we have ever done; it is a far, far better test that we can pass than we have ever taken.”
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Elona resides with Bonnie and Laurie Baron. The latter is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com. No animals were harmed in the writing of this column.