Rabbits, Rabbits, Everywhere, But Not One
in Which I Can Sink My Teeth
By Elona Baron as told to Laurie Baron
SAN DIEGO−Ever since the pandemic began, I have noticed rabbits congregating in increasing numbers behind the fence surrounding the school playground in my neighborhood. As a hound with a primordial instinct to hunt and kill rabbits, I slowly freeze into my stalking position and then tug on the lease to let my owner know I’m ready to chase and pounce on them. I never get that far because the school has been closed and the gate to the playground is locked. The rabbits know this and taunt me by calmly grazing on grass and hopping about as if I weren’t nearby. They confidently frolic keenly aware that human anti-viral measures afford them a haven from the canines eager to turn them into prey.
I’m so frustrated it makes me want to join the protests to let Americans resume their normal activities. I hate to admit it, but maybe the Golden Deceiver is right. After all, I’m a dog. I’m not required to wear a mask or rub my paws with Purell. Why should I be deprived of the opportunity to hunt hares, nibble on delectable bunny ears, and restore a semblance of the food chain’s hierarchy? Isn’t this a dog’s version of takeout food? I’m not expecting my owners to cook me hasenpfeffer, but only to allow nature to be “raw in tooth and claw” once again. Or will I forever be consigned to sublimate my carnivorous drives into chewing on my toy stuffed rabbit, something I always considered practice for the real thing? For the time being, I dream of Phase 3 when those brazen bunnies are in for a big shock!
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Elona resides with Bonnie and Laurie Baron. The latter is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com. No animals were harmed in the writing of this column.