SAN DIEGO−Watching footage of the looting occurring across the country, Trump thought: “The lamestream media won’t give me credit for succeeding in reopening America and getting people going into stores.”
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Viewing the 24/7 coverage of the murder of George Floyd and the civil unrest it has triggered, Trump thought, “At least the Fake News has forgotten about the pandemic and my response to it.”
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After having protesters gassed before curfew began so he could be photographed holding a bible in front of the “Church of the Presidents,” Trump thought: “This picture guarantees continued Evangelical support. I hope the pastor doesn’t ask me to pray while I’m here!”
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After announcing plans to deploy the military to quell the George Floyd demonstrations, Trump thought: “This could make for a great campaign slogan. How about ‘Occupy America’ or ‘Protecting the United States from Its Citizens’?”
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Surveying the damage done to neighborhoods around the White House, Trump thought, “Great chance to buy real estate at reduced prices and build a golf course closer to the White House.”
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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com. San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.