By Eric George Tauber
CINCINNATI, Ohio — Some of my Christian friends assert that they still support President Trump in spite of his many glaring flaws because they feel that he best represents “Biblical values.” So great is Trump’s reverence for the Bible that he’ll use federal troops to disperse crowds of non-violent demonstrators with tear gas just for a photo-op in front of a church he never attends to hold a Bible he never reads upside-down and backwards.
Good Christians, they insist, do not support Joe Biden, a devout Catholic whose faith has sustained him through great personal tragedies. He is kind, decent and soft-spoken. Both of his sons have served our nation’s military and he has been a devoted husband to the same woman for over 40 years. But those qualities don’t necessarily make him a “good Christian.”
These same Christians did not support Obama, a man who attended the same church for 35 years and knows the words to Amazing Grace. But, in their opinion, that was just a ruse to mask his real agenda as a covert Muslim operative. And not just any Muslim operative. Obama was one of those truly pernicious liberal Muslims who supported Marriage Equality, ended Don’t Ask Don’t Tell and opened doors for transgender troops. As if that would throw “true Christians” off the scent.
They insist that it is Trump who best epitomizes “Biblical Values.” They will concede that he is a “Baby Christian,” immature and unsteady in his “walk with the Lord.” Thus, it is their sacred duty to be gracious and forgiving, overlooking certain aspects of the Bible whereby Trump falls a bit short such as…
–The prohibition against adultery. (Ex 20:14) Oh, please. Who of us hasn’t cheated on one trophy wife with the next trophy wife and the next, then raw-dogged a porn star, paying her six-figures in hush money from our campaign funds? At least she wasn’t a White House intern or a guy. That would be unforgivable.
–The prohibition against stealing. (Ex 20:15) Come on. Haven’t we all neglected to pay a few bills? Or cheated a few contractors? Or set up a bogus for-profit university? Or defrauded a charity that helps children with cancer? Or left a few thousand workers unpaid while we declared bankruptcy six times? Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.
–The prohibition against bearing false witness. (Ex 20:16) Can’t we just forget about that whole “Obama was born in Kenya” thing? And sure, he spitefully destroyed the professional reputations and livelihoods of contractors all over the tri-state. Let it go already.
–The prohibition against coveting your neighbor’s house. (Ex 20:17) Sure. He abused the power of eminent domain to kick the Santorini family out of a restaurant they had owned for generations, but a man has to park his limousines somewhere. Right?
–The prohibition against coveting your neighbor’s wife. (Ex 20:17) In the infamous Hollywood Access tape, he brags about groping and kissing a married woman, trying to f—- her and moving on her like a b—-. But, you know, that’s just the kind of “boys’ locker room talk” frequently heard in Bible studies.
–The prohibition against seeking revenge. (Deut 32:35, Lev 19:18) Yeah, we all know that Trump is notoriously petty and vindictive, but, you know, “Baby Christian.” We just need to keep praying for his eventual repentance and forgiveness that he doesn’t think he needs.
–The Book of Proverbs teaches us, “Let a stranger praise you and not your own mouth.” (Prov 27:2) But come on. Let a guy toot his own horn a little. Bragging about how rich, smart and tremendous he is -even though he’s actually deep in debt from multiple bankruptcies- is just Trump’s brand.
–Forget loving your neighbor as yourself. (Lev 19:18) Well, unless of course your neighbor is really hot. In that case, a guy just can’t help himself.
–Disregard the commandment to pursue justice. (Deut 16:20, Isa 1:17, Isa 61:8, Micah 6:8, Zech 7:9…) Sure, Trump has pardoned major felons. But they were felonies committed on Trump’s behalf and even under his direct orders. Wouldn’t we all let a few friends off the hook if we could?
–Just erase the lines about welcoming immigrants and giving them justice. (Ex 22:21, Ex 23:9, Lev 19:33-34, Lev 24:22, Deut 10:19, Deut 27:19, Zech 7:10…) We certainly don’t need hordes of brown people invading our country. What we need is a big beautiful wall so that we may dwell in safety like the people of ancient Jericho. (Josh 6)
–So what if a good Christian Trump supporter has to graciously overlook a few little verses here and there? God has placed the awesome Scepter of American Greatness into Trump’s hand for a reason. (Almighty God placed that same scepter into Obama’s hand for eight years, but that was just one of those “spiritual hiccups” to test our faith.) We owe Trump our fealty because he still represents the truly important Biblical values such as … well…. um…
What the bloody hell are these people talking about?!
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Eric George Tauber is a freelance writer based in Cincinnati, Ohio.
Absolutely Right On!!!