SAN DIEGO — November 1, 2020: The beginning of the Holiday shopping season.
November 3, 2020: Election Day. Forget about Halloween; this will be the scariest night of the year when Trump declares victory and confiscates all uncounted ballots 1 hour after the polls close on the West Coast. He holds big victory party in the White House.
November 4, 2020. Masks are banned and Fauci is fired. American Lives Matter demonstrations break out throughout the country. US Postal Service returns to normal.
November 5: California, Illinois, Massachusetts, New York, Oregon, Washington, and the other states that voted for Biden secede from the union to form the United States of Amity.
November 9, 2020: A majority of people who attended Trump’s victory party test positive for Covid-19.
November 10, 2020: The Supreme Courts hears the Trump case to rescind the Affordable Health Care Act. The number of doctor appointments made by Americans rises in anticipation of the court’s decision. During questioning, Amy Coney Barrett shows that she is not really pro-life but only concerned about the survival of fetuses.
November 20, 2020: Most of Trump’s cabinet members and advisors succumb to Covid-19. Trump and Pence are put on ventilators. Nancy Pelosi is inaugurated President and reunites the new USA with the remnants of the old one. She orders that the ballots Trump confiscated by counted.
November 23, 2020: The full count of ballots reveals Biden and Harris won. Pelosi remarks November 26th will be doubly meaningful this year.
November 26, 2020: Millions of Americans gather in front of computer screens to eat Thanksgiving dinner with their families via Zoom. Zoom crashes.
*
Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com. San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.