Parasha Vayishlach
SAN DIEGO — What else can possibly be found in a parasha? Jacob meets his brother, Esau. Jacob wrestles with an angel. We read about the rape of Jacob’s daughter, Dina. Her brothers massacre the men of Shechem. Rivka passes away. Jacob is given a new name, “Yisroel.” Rachel dies after giving birth to Benjamin. Isaac dies. And on it goes.
Yet through all of this, we would be wise to say “Thank You” to Jacob. Why? For teaching us the value of never missing an opportunity in life to do good, to say a kind word, to recognize that the present is all we have. Jacob shows us to avoid the “someday” mindset, and instead shows us how important it is to never overlook the now, especially when it comes to offering a kind word, or another gift of kindness to others. It begins with Hashem directing Jacob to return to his home.
Jacob feels fearful that Esau, his brother with whom he has had a long history of strife, jealousy and more, will attempt to murder him. With his concern spreading to the welfare of his family, he cleverly divides his family into two camps. Rabbi Yeruchem Levovitz points out that Jacob did not rely solely on his own righteousness, rather he also took every human effort possible to protect his family while knowing that success ultimately depends upon the Almighty.
In the Talmud, in Chulin 91, we learn from R’ Elazar, “And Jacob remained alone” – he remained to get small flasks, pachim k’tanim. R’ Elazar is teaching us that Jacob returned across the river and remained alone because he forgot some small flasks. But didn’t Jacob have a bit more on his mind than to sweat returning to get some seemingly insignificant small flasks? Didn’t he read my 1988 book, Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff? Perhaps Jacob wasn’t thinking of himself. Perhaps Jacob was showing us the importance of considering others. Perhaps Jacob sensed these small flasks may have been important to someone in his family. And he shows us the value of acting now, not later, for perhaps he was concerned there may be no later. If you want to know what’s really important to you, look at how you spend your “now.” When? Now. Not later. Now.
When Rabbi Moshe of Kobrin died, the Rabbi of Kotzk asked one of the Kobriner’s disciples what things his master had considered most important. The man answered: “Whatever he was engaged in at the moment.” Kindness, expressed now, is the key to a successful life. Will I tell him what a good friend he is? Will I tell her how nice she looks today? Will I offer to help the other person? Will I go back across the river for some seemingly invaluable small flasks? Jacob teaches us a simple answer. Yes. Now.
Jacob also teaches us the value of not demanding, not insisting or not complaining when life presents us with a conflict, a hardship, a challenge. Rather, Jacob “repaired” himself to find meaning, a lesson, in every situation. Rather than whining about a problem, Jacob fully confronted and wrestled with it, mindfully prepared himself to be curious rather than angry.
“What can I learn from this?” is the mental position to take to grow in the face of stress. Sure he also prayed. Reb Levi Yitachak of Berditchev teaches us to ask Hashem not why we are suffering, but to show us the meaning of our suffering, what the suffering requires of us, and what He is communicating to us through our suffering.
Rabbi Noah Weinberg, the founder of Aish HaTorah, once asked someone if they ever prayed. He said, “Rabbi, I pray every day.” “Really,” replied Reb Noah. “Did G-d ever answer your prayers?” “Are you kidding? He answers every prayer!” said the man. “Sometimes the answer is yes, and sometimes it’s no.” When the answer is no, let’s follow Jacob and ask ourselves what Hashem is telling us? What can we learn? How is He helping us grow through this? This mindset allows us to always be thankful. Hashem is always with us, protecting us, watching over us. Let’s be more aware of this and not miss opportunities to perform small acts of kindness or share a loving word, or a smile.
Now.
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Michael R. Mantell, Ph.D., prepares a weekly D’var Torah for Young Israel of San Diego, where he and his family are members. They are also active members of Congregation Adat Yeshurun. He may be contacted via michael.mantell@sdjewishworld.com