SAN DIEGO — Now that the approval and distribution of a vaccine for Covid-19 is near, the United States needs to develop cures or vaccines to combat these other diseases that are plaguing the body politic.
*
Dyscountia: This ailment is similar to dyslexia except that its victims transpose the highest number for the lowest and vice versa. Thus, when they look at election results, they are convinced that 74,000,000 is larger than 81,000,000 votes and that 306 electoral votes is less than 232. Researchers suspect that dyscountia is a psychosomatic affliction that can be attributed to a psycho who is a superspreader.
*
Legistinal Blockage: Although the body politic is suffering from mounting pain and needs relief, this blockage in the Senate prevents anything from passing. A remedy for it might be available by January with a procedure called demitchifying.
*
Vaccinophobia: An unfounded fear that getting vaccinated makes people anarchistic, autistic, or communistic. Its cause appears to be brains that have developed thick callouses from overusing social media.
*
Maskiosis Syndrome aka Disregardia Responsibilis: Although wearing masks slows the spread of Covid-19, sufferers of this disease have an allergic reaction to anything that might restrict their constitutional liberties for the sake of public health.
*
Global Fever: A condition where the body no longer notices that its surroundings are becoming toxic. This is the human counterpart to the malady observed in lobsters that prompts them to be boiled to death if the water they are in is warmed up gradually.
*
Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com. San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.