By Laurie Baron, Ph.D
SAN DIEGO — Since Memorial Day marks the beginning of summer and this year the return of audiences to movie theaters, I wanted to preview a few of the films scheduled for release in the coming months. Since they were withheld from release due to Covid-19 or shot during the pandemic, their plots have been altered to reflect the events of the past year:
Black Widow: Kerry Washington has replaced Scarlett Johansson in the lead role as a crime fighting superhero. She plays the widow of an African American man who was killed by the police for jaywalking. Monitoring police calls and social media posts, she employs her superpowers to prevent cops from using excessive force. Exhausted by this mission, she ends up holding Congress hostage until it passes the George Floyd Justice in Policing Act.
Cruella: Marjorie Taylor Greene has replaced Emma Stone in the lead role. The dying of her hair white on the right side and black on the left symbolizes her binary view of the world. She seeks to prevent pedophile rabbis from infecting Dalmatians with rabies.
The Green Knight: Although originally intended as a retelling of the legend of King Arthur, the director transformed it into an environmental parable. In a world choking on pollutants and sweltering from global warming, Greta Thunberg masquerades as a knight. On her quest, she combats corporate titans and shortsighted politicians and eventually locates the fabled sword of sustainability which she extricates from a nuclear dump to redeem the planet.
Space Jam: A New Legacy: LeBron James heads the cast of NBA players and Looney Toon characters competing in basketball against the villainous Goon team. At the start of the game, the members of LeBron’s team take a knee and walk out to join a Black Lives Matter demonstration. They deem this more important than playing games.
Suicide Squad: The premise of a squad of supervillains recruited by the government to fight enemies has been dropped. Instead, this cadre of antisocial misfits refuses to wear masks or get vaccinated. In accordance with their name, they all die of Covid-19.
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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com. San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.