Parasha Chayei Sarah
By Michael R. Mantell, Ph.D.
SAN DIEGO — Several years ago, when writing about this week’s Torah portion, I shared two very contemporary lessons I saw inside of the ancient text – never give up hope and be in emotional control when dealing with oneself and with others. Now several years later, several years older, these lessons appear even more valuable.
Who doesn’t want to stay young while growing older in years? The Torah is telling us that with faith in Hashem, all things work out in the end. H.O.P.E., hold on pain ends. After all, Sarah had a child at age 100 and Abraham lived to 175 years old. The Torah reminds us that Sarah was 127 when she died. Of course, we wisely also utilize what science tells us about possible ways to reduce diseases like dementia, to add life to our years, and years to our lives.
Why would we ever give up on hope though? All we need do is pause, consider the gift, the lesson, of Chayei Sarah, and never give up believing EWOP = everything works out perfectly. As a couple, Abraham and Sarah together faced pain, obstacles, and challenges. Their emunah was painfully tested and what do they teach us? “Kol mah d’avid Rachmana l’tova oseh…” Whatever Hashem does is for the good. Sarah and Abraham believed and responded “l’tovah,” to whatever happened in their lives. They taught us to accept the bitter to get to the sweet. Their emunah teaches us that faith does not mean passiveness. They demonstrated courage and were never deterred. They showed us that we must act anchored in inspiration, empowerment, strength, to make the future happen for the good.
The parasha asks us to consider how we bring hope into our lives, and how we can view aging, as a gentle, graceful, process. Sure genes, proper care, exercise, nutrition, are a part of aging, but our attitude towards this inevitable process is central. In Proverbs 16:31 it says, “The gray hair is a crown of glory.” And from Pirke Avot, 5:21, we learn “ben arba-im labina, ben chamishim l’eitzah…ben sh’monim lig’vurah,” “at forty, one is fit for discernment, at fifty for counsel…at eighty for strength.” Abraham and Sarah teach us healthy ways of seeing the aging process with vigor and what can be accomplished during our lifetime in later years. Psalm 90:12 tells us, “Teach us to count our days rightly, that we may obtain a wise heart.”
Abraham was described as “zakein, well advanced in years.” Perhaps zakein has little to do with chronological age, and more to do with wisdom, good sense, astuteness, and insight, as we see inside of Pirkei Avot 5:21. Zakein is an acronym for “zeh shekaneh chachma” – a person who has acquired wisdom. Abraham wisely believed in his life’s purpose, his deeds of kindness, and acted continuously to implement his judicious values.
From the Talmud we learn that “the righteous are called living even after death.” This week’s parasha illuminates this point in the title, focusing on Sarah’s life, not her death. In Berachot 18a, the Talmud teaches us that “The righteous in their death are called living.” Based on the way Sarah and Abraham lived it is as if they are still alive. We are the immortal influence of Abraham and Sarah.
A famed Harvard University study that I’ve shared earlier, found that the following personality characteristics relate to happiness in aging:
- A future orientation and the ability to plan positively (“I figure if I can do this when I’m 85, I’ll be doing pretty well.”)
- The capacity for both gratitude and forgiveness
- The ability to see the world through the eyes of another
- The desire to do things with, and for, people, in other words, chesed, kindness
Does this not sound like Abraham and Sarah? Their accomplishments, their acts of loving kindness, g’milut chasdim, demonstrated the centrality of mindset, of attitude, of never giving up hope, and that age is never to be considered an obstacle to continued achievement, to offering chesed, to worthwhile contributions and to always be in the flow, fully engaged in the world. The Torah tells us that “…Abraham was zakein, advanced in days….” (Bereishit 24:1), referring to the effect that every day of his life left on him. In fact, the Zohar teaches that “advanced in days” means that Abraham used every day of his life in the service of Hashem and of others. His life was not defined by his body’s age, but by what his soul experienced. What do we take from this that can enhance our lives beginning now?
A question that leaped out of the pages of the text is, “What am I passing on to the next generation?” Abraham gave both a material and spiritual inheritance to Isaac. Do we not have the responsibility of offering the same bequests to those that follow us? Is this not an act of chesed? Contemporary science tells us what the Torah has been telling us for centuries. Chesed helps us age well through endorphins that are released when we do an act of chesed, thus improving our immune system, and helping us to ward off anxiety and depression. Not a bad return for genuinely smiling at another, holding the door for someone, and tending and befriending another.
Imagine if Sarah and Abraham gave up hope. And imagine how much more positive our own lives will be by bringing emotional sensitivity to others, of course firmly anchored in our deep trust in Hashem. And may we aspire to become zakein even with life’s lessons in the form of adversities, calamities, and pandemics.
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Michael R. Mantell, Ph.D., prepares a weekly D’var Torah for Young Israel of San Diego, where he and his family are members. They are also active members of Congregation Adat Yeshurun. He may be contacted via michael.mantell@sdjewishworld.com
Michael R. Mantell, Ph.D., prepares a weekly D’var Torah for Young Israel of San Diego, where he and his family are members. They are also active members of Congregation Adat Yeshurun.
He may be contacted via michael.mantell@sdjewishworld.com