By Laurie Baron, Ph.D
SAN DIEGO — On the anniversary of the insurrection he incited, Donald Trump instructs a mob to storm the Supreme Court to prevent the transfer of his papers to the January 6 Commission. No charges are filed against them because justice is blind, but only in the right eye.
Elon Musk announces that the only way people can avoid contracting the Omicron variant of Covid-19 is by isolating themselves in orbiting SpaceX capsules and launched by one of his rockets. Health insurance companies and Medicare refuse to reimburse the expenses for this service.
Disappointed that none of its prophecies have materialized, Q Anon finally admits that the millions of cases of child abduction and sexual abuse it blamed on Democrats, media elites, and world leaders were committed by Jeffrey Epstein, but that it was Hillary Clinton and not Ghislaine Maxwell who procured his victims.
The upcoming movie celebrating Betty White’s 100th Birthday scheduled for release in January has been canceled due to an outpouring of posts on Facebook and Twitter objecting to both her surname and skin color.
The Georgia legislature limits voting to the chairperson of the state’s Republican Party and locates the state’s only polling place in his or her home office.
The House and Senate approve a scaled-back version of BBB that Joe Manchin supports and renames the Build Back Badly bill. In lieu of the Child Tax Credit, it gives families with children a year’s pass to Chucky E. Cheese. While it does not lower prescription drug costs, it subsidizes the purchase of Aspirin, Ibuprofen, and Tylenol, first-aid kits, and Tums. It does retain the original bill’s transition to electrical vehicles but stipulates that the plants producing electricity must burn coal mined in West Virginia.
Dr. Fauci moves to Israel since it is the only country in the world that will follow his recommendations.
*
Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com. San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.