By Michael R. Mantell, Ph.D.
SAN DIEGO — In each weekly Torah reading, we find insightful and profound lessons for our emotional evolution. This week’s parasha is certainly teeming with weighty psychological education.
Often in life we become complacent in our personal station. It may not be particularly beneficial, it may not be what we ideally long for, it may not be ideal, but it is what it is, and we believe it will do. Change is hard, moving forward takes commitment that we don’t necessarily think we have, and we create fear of the unknown. This mindset undermines our ability to increase pleasure, perform mitzvot, act kindly towards others, and generally maximize meaning in our lives. Don’t be a simple drifter, but rather give serious thought to what you want with the one life you have and recognize the effort you need to pursue your goals.
When we embrace the mindset of “I can’t” — with regard to reaching new heights in learning, in tefillah, in tikkun ha’middos (character development and improvement), in bein adam la’chavairo (interaction between man and his fellow) and bein adam la’Makom (our relationship between us and Hashem) – we too easily become stuck in the proverbial darkness of the שְׁלֹשֶׁת יְמֵי אֲפֵלָה. We may want to improve, but don’t think we are strong enough, brave enough, and courageous enough to march forward into a whole new existence, leaving for example the eighth and ninth plagues, locusts, and darkness that we read about this week. And so, we would rather “not leave” and are falsely content to stay where we are. We would be wise to remember our past and learn from it while not continuously reliving negative emotions that have long passed that keep us locked up. Living in the past never helped anyone move forward freely.
After the tragic passing of R’ Mosheh Twersky zt’l HY”D (of one the kedoshei Har Nof, murdered al kiddush Hashem, 25 Cheshvan 5775/11.18.14) — himself a gaon olam and gadol ba’Torah, mitzvos, v’yiras Shomayim — a note was found on his desk, dated 15 Elul 5774, the date of his last birthday. In the note, he had written words of encouragement to himself, “…nevertheless, chalilah v’chalilah to slacken and say, ‘What gain is there in all of our efforts, for we are lost, and our hope is lost!’, because that is the counsel and song of the yetzer harah (the evil inclination)! Therefore, come and let us renew the old resolutions, for they are good” (A Malach in Our Midst, p.299).
Rebbetzin Twersky emphasized, sharing a sentiment that all who knew R’ Twersky agreed upon, “My husband was not at twenty-five what he was at fifty-five. He never got to a plateau (in his avodas Hashem). He was forever going up the ladder; that is who he was” (ibid, p.300).
It is true that transforming who we are, how we live, behave, think, act, and interact is not effortless. And yet, the alternative is to remain in the darkness of Mitzrayim, afflicted with the inability to stand from sitting, or to sit from standing. i.e., if we don’t have the courage to embrace our potential, we become stuck in place and find ourselves unable to spiritually move.
Are we so truly confined to the definitions and false “rules” of society that we stay seemingly comfortable where we are? In the parasha we learn that the blood of milah and korbon Pesach are about exerting ourselves, putting in effort to grow, pushing ourselves to live on the terms that Hashem gives to us. We claimed our identity by painting our doorways in the parasha and marked ourselves as free. This is our challenge. Rashi tells us on this point that “the blood will be a sign for you” is a sign for the Israelites, not for Hashem. What sign, what mark, are you placing on yourself today – the mark of freedom or of oppression? After all, a first step towards liberation is a decision to identify yourself as ready to break free. Are we passive victims in our story of redemption or are we trailblazing victors?
Do you put in microstep efforts daily to rise about a middah that is difficult for you? It will have a lasting effect, even if it is only a microstep.
In a famous quote attributed to R’ Yisrael Salanter zt’l (1810-1883), known as the father of the mussar movement, we are taught that, “It is easier to learn through Shas than to change a single middah.” Resolving to change, and implementing change, is not easy! So difficult is it that 4/5’s of the Israelites died during the plague of darkness!
But let us not forget the 1/5th who marched forward. Difficult, yes; impossible, not at all.
While we are yet here in this world, and the possibility for change exists, let us be courageous enough with a growth mindset to leave our personal Mitzrayim to improve what needs to be improved and to create a new reality for ourselves in our lives.
Recall in the parasha that even Moshe was gripped by fear. Hashem provides him with assurance by saying “Come to Pharaoh, Come with Me.” What a powerful insight to carry — “Come with Me.” No matter how fearful, how lonely we may feel, we are not alone. He is with us.
Let us be sure that, after 120 years when we give our accounting, we will be able to say: בבהילו יצאנו ממצרים — with great haste, we left Mitzrayim behind and marched forward to an ennobled and exalted life of Torah and mitzvos.
Rebbe Nachman teaches that the exile of mitzrayim and our eventual redemption occurs daily in everyday lives. As noted, we become psychologically accustomed and complacent to our situation in life. Aside from intensely desiring and davening to Hashem for salvation, we would be wise to understand what it is in our thinking that holds us back from our emotional growth.
The Ramban tells us on this parasha that when one does a simple mitzvah, such as for example the mezuzah, and takes a moment to think about its importance, that person has acknowledged Hashem’s creation of the universe, His supervision of the world, and the foundation of the Torah. Additionally, that person is acknowledging Hashem’s kindness and all that He has done for us and our forefathers. Not a bad return for simply performing even a “minor” mitzvah. Moving forward and growing in our performance of mitzvot builds our relationship with Hashem.
In parashat Bo we see for the first time in the Torah a deep focus on mitzvot. The Sefer Hachinuch challenges us to wonder why we have so many rules to help us remember the Exodus – as the story is told in parasha Bo.
The answer from the Sefer Hachinuch appears to be based on a psychological understanding that our thoughts and our actions influence us. Immersing ourselves in the laws of Shabbat, the festivals, in every area of daily Torah life, will shape who we are, from the inside out.
How do you occupy your time? How mindful are you of your everyday behavior? Are your daily choices leading you to a positive or negative lifestyle? What you do, the Sefer Hachinuch teaches, you become. In this regard, this week’s parasha may be considered one of the most essential since it is about our going out of Egypt, and by extension, about our growing out of our restricted selves.
Rashi certainly agreed with the essential role this parasha plays in our lives. In Jewish sacred memory, we are instructed always to remember that our birth story is a story of liberation. This includes emotional liberation and growth. As Moses tells the people, as soon as they have left Egypt: “Remember this day, when you went out of Mitzrayim, from the house of slaves, for with a strong arm, Hashem brought you out from this place.” To do so will increase your emotional evolution, your pleasure, happiness and the meaning you experience in your life.
Shabbat Shalom…
*
Michael R. Mantell, Ph.D., prepares a weekly D’var Torah for Young Israel of San Diego, where he and his family are members. They are also active members of Congregation Adat Yeshurun. He may be contacted via michael.mantell@sdjewishworld.com