By Laurie Baron
SAN DIEGO — I spared a fly from being swatted and commissioned it to go to Mar-a-Lago, stick on a wall, and monitor Donald Trump’s reactions to the Select Committee Hearings. Here’s some of Trump’s comments that he reported back to me.
“Unlike me, Bill Barr’s a loser. A loyal AG would have assassinated Robert Mueller before he completed his report. I suspect the Bill Gates’ chips injected into Barr with the Covid vaccine settled in his ears and instructed him not to fire the 61 judges who ruled against my lawsuits. I knew I should have selected Rudy as my AG and appointed Eastman instead of Gorsuch to the Supreme Court. On the other hand, it’s wasteful to have three branches of government. Wouldn’t it cost less and be more efficient to have only an Executive Branch and save taxpayer money by cancelling elections until I serve my life term after I win in 2024 which will happen if there’s no electoral skullduggery in that election?
“I still think Ivanka is hot, but from now on, I can only fantasize having angry sex with her. Maybe she has been misled by her Jewish husband who has been bought off by George Soros?
“I’m so proud of my boys-and I don’t mean Erich and Don Jr. They knew to disregard my brief call to “peacefully and patriotically” make their voices heard in my Elipse speech. My fingers were crossed behind my back when I said that.”
“Mike Pence is a wimp. How can you trust a guy who obeys his wife’s rule to never eat alone with a woman? A man who isn’t bold enough to grab p***y is a p***y. I would gladly have given one of my longest red ties to the Proud Boys to use for a noose.”
“In retrospect I shouldn’t have been so blatant and asked Brad Raffensperger to find 11,780 votes. It would have been less incriminating if I just asked him to add a zero to my final vote tally.”
“Why are these pedophiles so surprised that I raised donations for my election lawsuits and spent the money on something else? That’s what I’ve done with all my campaign donations ever since I ran for President! It’s more profitable than my casinos and hotels.”
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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com. San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.