By Michael R. Mantell, Ph.D.
SAN DIEGO — Who in the world are we to speak to anyone else in a harsh, insensitive, or disrespectful manner? This week’s Torah reading teaches us to speak with love, kindliness, and thoughtfulness. Speaking with gentleness, graciousness, and warmth is vital to our healthy future. How timely parashat Emor is in our lives.
One of the key teachings inside of Emor is the concept of “kedusha,” or holiness, in our minds and in our mouths. This concept is central to Jewish life and is achieved through following the commandments and living a life of moral and ethical excellence, as we see inside of this week’s reading. Rabbi Zelig Pliskin observes that Emor stresses the importance of treating others with respect and dignity, thereby creating a more harmonious and peaceful world.
The word, “emor,” found three times in the first verse of the parasha, means “to say,” “to speak” – but softly, kindly, perhaps even in a whisper, according to the Mechilta, Rashi Yisro 19:3. The redundancy of the word as we are informed in the Talmud Yevamot 114a cited in Rashi’s opening commentary to this week’s portion (24:1), is “to caution the adults concerning the children.” Specifically, it seems that Rashi associates the word emor with the obligation of educating our children, and in a certain caring, compassionate manner. We don’t find the word, “daber” in this week’s reading, which also means to speak, but in a more emphatic and commanding manner. Emor is a softer, kinder, tender, more gentle way of speaking. This offers insight into how adults would best speak with children and by extension, how we would wisely best speak with each other – promoting ahavas and achdus Yisrael (love and unity among the Jewish community). Rabbi Levi Yitzchok of Berditchev teaches us that when we act from anger or fear, from negative feelings, without kindness and compassion to others, and then stop and realize the damage we are doing through our language, this can energize us to do teshuvah. Clearly the words that come from our minds into our mouths, past our tongue, teeth, and out from our lips can make life better…or bitter.
Through our speech we can motivate ourselves and others toward doing good or doing “gornisht” (nothing). We can use our words to draw near or to push away. Our sages teach that we have the ability through the way we speak to do good, to do chesed, to make the world a better place.
The Baal Shem Tov brings an emphasis on speaking gently and kindly. Gentleness and kindliness in our speech and in our behavior toward others seems to be the path of Emor. In fact, the בּשׁ״ט, the Ba’al Shem Tov, the title given to the founder of Hasidic Judaism, Israel ben Eliezer (1698-1760), epitomized this method. Says, the Ba’al Shem Tov, “A person should give rebuke, speak, with love, as the verse says, “G-d chastised whom He loves.” One story told of the Baal Shem Tov demonstrates this quite well.
One day, the Baal Shem Tov instructed several of his disciples to embark on a journey. The Baal Shem Tov did not tell them where to go, nor did they ask; they allowed divine providence to direct their wagon where it may, confident that the destination and purpose of their trip would be revealed in due time.
After traveling for several hours, they stopped at a wayside inn to eat and rest. Now the Baal Shem Tov’s disciples were pious Jews who insisted on the highest standards of kashrut; when they learned that their host planned to serve them meat in their meal, they asked to see the shochet of the house, interrogated him as to his knowledge and piety and examined his knife for any possible blemishes. Their discussion of the kashrut standard of the food continued throughout the meal, as they inquired after the source of every ingredient in each dish set before them.
As they spoke and ate, a voice emerged from behind the oven, where an old beggar was resting amidst his bundles. “Dear Jews,” it called out, “are you as careful with what comes out of your mouth as you are with what enters into it?”
The party of chassidim concluded their meal in silence, climbed onto their wagon and turned it back toward Mezhibuzh. They now understood the purpose for which their master had dispatched them on their journey that morning.
When we speak properly, as taught by the words of Torah, we enhance our life, and the lives of others. To do so is a choice we make. We can surely choose not to, and when we select that path, we largely create acrimony in our life and in the lives of others. While the sanctity of the Kohanim is a major theme in this week’s Torah reading, we also see another key theme in the parasha, the holiness of Shabbat, of time, and of the festivals we are blessed to enjoy. It is this latter theme that caught my attention. To be holy is freeing, expansive, liberating, to help us connect with Hashem, and properly with one another.
Want to try a quick method to help you apply the “Emor method” in speaking with others? Rabbi Abraham J. Twersky noted that “saying something derogatory about someone else is an indication that we, too, have that character defect.” Here’s the trick. Next time you are about to admonish, criticize or put down another, instead of saying their name first, swap the word “I” in its place and then finish with the criticism of their behavior. It’ll open your heart, your eyes, and help you grow in your own mindful awareness. You might catch yourself and think twice, and use the kindness taught in Emor. What a better world you’ll be creating.
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Michael R. Mantell, Ph.D., prepares a weekly D’var Torah for Young Israel of San Diego, where he and his family are members. They are also active members of Congregation Adat Yeshurun. He may be contacted via michael.mantell@sdjewishworld.com
Deeply moving, immensely important words.