By Laurie Baron
SAN DIEGO — Although not Jewish, MAGA politicians are trying to court Jewish voters. Thus, they have posted penitential prayers on their websites. Here’s a sampling:
Marjorie Taylor Greene: Dear God, I confess that I have been mean to Joe Biden. In the coming year I vow to campaign very hard against his reelection because I want him to retire. He needs some rest. After all, he’s ancient and needs to stop working. This will be my good deed for the year. I entreat you to shield me from being incinerated by Jewish Space Lasers.
Matt Gaetz: My Heavenly Father, I’ve already been forgiven for having sex with underage girls, but I have caused Kevin McCarthy a lot of tsuris. To atone, I plan to give all Federal employees an unpaid vacation at the end of this month.
Jim Jordan: Lord, I admit that I badgered Merrick Garland during his recent hearing. He reminds me of Pontius Pilate who had two standards of justice-one for Jesus and another for the Good Thief and the Unrepentant Thief. Pilate didn’t even have evidence from Jesus’ lap scroll to secure a conviction. I’ll show no such favoritism by crucifying everyone in the Biden crime family. Let me remind you, I’m not a judgmental person. Just ask the wrestling coach at Ohio State!
Lauren Boebert: If you let me vape at Yom Kippur services, I promise to leave my guns at home.
Donald Trump: I don’t have to atone because I’ve done nothing wrong. Frankly God, I beseech you not to enter the names of those disloyal liberal and socialist Jews into the Book of Life. By the way, I’d like you to investigate how the Torah was rigged. I have information that there’s six books of Moses.
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Baron is professor emeritus at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via Lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com