By Laurie Baron
SAN DIEGO — Every morning I skim through my emails. Glancing at the fifty to one hundred of them in my inbox, I momentarily feel I’m extremely popular until I realize that most of them are fundraising ads for Democratic candidates. I’ve tried to block them but it’s like kicking a toadstool and inadvertently releasing thousands of spores that will sprout the next day. The algorithms have pegged me for a progressive. Parenthetically, I once gave money to Al Gore who invented AlGoreithms. Yes, you can groan, but I couldn’t resist the pun.
Blocking inevitably results in an email that asks, “Has Laurie decided to vote for Donald Trump in the 2024 election?” Unless I donate, my liberal credentials will be totally discredited. Then Trump will mention me in a speech to illustrate the mass defection of libs to the cause of defunding the FBI and de-constitutionalizing the country. I’ll start receiving an equal number of emails from the Trump Save America Joint Fundraising Committee along with a free Trump mugshot tee shirt and a can of Stop the Impending Steal brand of bear spray.
Instead, I opt to suffer my cyber inundation by ads from every Democratic candidate for Senate, the House of Representatives, and Governor. Jon Tester reminds me daily that he’s a hardworking farmer. This convinces me to support him because he obviously knows how to dispose of the bullshit he’ll be hearing from the other side of the aisle in the Senate. Ruben Gallego exhorts me to help him replace Kyrsten Sinema because she’s an elephant dressed in donkey clothing. Applying the Tester test, he’s right. There’s less BS with a real donkey than with an elephant.
During election season, Jill Biden becomes my close friend and sends me greetings on behalf of Joe. So does Doug Emhoff on behalf of Kamala. Both promise to invite me to dinner with their spouses if I take out a second mortgage and turn over the proceeds to the Biden for President campaign fund. They also assure me that Hunter won’t be attending. I’m tempted but fear that I would end up homeless and be pictured in a GOP television ad about how President Biden and Vice President Harris have exacerbated the homeless crisis.
Then there are the relentless polls. Do you view Joe Biden favorably? The first time I saw this I clicked yes which directed me to a donation link for the President. Although it might skew the polling results, I no longer indicate my political preferences. I have calculated that if I contribute to all the candidates who contact me, I would be bankrupt in several weeks. I will write checks to those who seem most deserving knowing that even my limited number of contributions will exponentially increase the number of ads I receive from them and every other Democratic candidate. That’s the price of participating in politics these days.
*
Baron is professor emeritus at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via Lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com
Amen!
Has to be a closet conservative with a great sense of humor which does not come naturally to the right of center, cept for Reagan of course. Amazingly relevant on so many levels, and funny.