Places We Left Behind by Jennifer Lang; Vine Leaves Press © 2023; ISBN 9783988-320186; 153 pages including a Reader’s Guide; $14 on Amazon
SAN DIEGO – This is a memoir of an American falling in love with a French man who is more traditional in his religious observance than she is. They marry and live for a while in France, but Israel calls to him. She wants to live in the familiar U.S. of A. He wants his family to be raised as traditional Jews in Israel.
For others, these differences might be irreconcilable, but not for Jennifer and her husband. Every few years they relocate to her country, then to his country. The kids complain at first, but eventually they become binational and bicultural in outlook.
However, moving back and forth is a difficult compromise for the two parents. Neither is quite comfortable in the other’s homeland. Oh, sure it is okay for a visit, but not for permanent living arrangements. Though they argue about this, they remain physically attracted to each other and very much in love. When unhappy, Jennifer finds peace in yoga, first as a student, later as a teacher. It’s a mystery how her husband compensates because this is Jennifer’s journal and she can’t get inside his head; she can only report the substance of their conversations. I’d bet that he copes by pouring himself into his work.
As the years pass, Jennifer finds that the various reasons she has given for not wanting a permanent Israeli domicile have become very disputable. It’s not safe there? What about when they were living in White Plains, New York, in commuting distance to New York City and 9/11 happened? Terrorism can happen anywhere.
It’s too religious for her? Well, she can follow her Reform Judaism-style path, while he follows his shomer Shabbos lifestyle. The children can be schooled as traditional Jews, but they can be allowed to find their own way.
The memoir is quickly read and is illustrative of how marriages between Israelis and Diaspora Jews can be considered intermarriages, despite the supposed unity of our Jewish people. It’s also a lesson in mature compromise.
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Donald H. Harrison is editor emeritus of San Diego Jewish World. He may be contacted via donald.harrrison@sdjewishworld.com