By Michael R. Mantell, Ph.D.
EL CAJON, California — Remember Nadav & Avihu from parsha Shemini? Well, guess what? Parsha Acharei Mot brings them up again! This time, though, the Torah tells Aaron & family they cannot mourn. Intrigued? Check out the commentary.
But here’s a real takeaway: Tears matter. Especially now, with so much stress & sadness in our world. We’ve all got things to cry about, right? Tragedies happen, leaving us heartbroken. Nobody, but nobody, is exempt from life’s curveballs.
Let’s face it: Accepting that “bad” stuff can happen is tough. But here’s the thing: It’s okay to cry. It’s human. And often, that release is exactly what we need.
Emotionally, psychologically, holding back tears is unhelpful. Tears are natural, essential to our health, a normal response to loss and stress, and a healthy physical expression of our dealing with raw emotion. Holding back tears, remaining quiet, only allows those who tear into us, to continue doing so. Allowing tears to flow from inside of us, in a sense, frees us to feel the power of hope and to see a better future. Acharei mos, “after the death,” points to life. We must always point to the light of life that surely comes after the death.
Living a life guided by Torah and infused with spiritual connection to Hashem is beneficial for mental health and psychological wellbeing. The Torah instructs us to “live” through following its laws, implying that doing so will lead to a full, happy, and meaningful life. Mumbling through prayers won’t do it alone. Acting is what it’s about.
Maimonides outlined the process of atonement – confessing sins, feeling remorse, and resolving not to repeat them. While guilt can serve as a moral motivator, it should not consume us. We must make efforts to correct mistakes, have a plan to avoid repeating them, and then let go of perseverating on the past through forgiveness. Using this Hashem-given capacity for forgiveness allows us to heal and grow spiritually and psychologically.
In essence, embracing a Torah way of life and utilizing its frameworks for repentance and forgiveness nurtures overall wellbeing. When done properly, spirituality enhances, rather than compromises, positive mental health.
This is a time to strengthen our spiritual connection to Torah, to each other, and to build our community. On this last point, Abaye in Talmud Brachot 30a, teaches, “At all times a person should associate himself with the congregation and should not pray alone.” This is our opportunity to grow forward, upward, onward…together, “after the death.”
How? We would be wise to learn from Rabbi Joseph Soloveitchik who authored Halachic Man, in which he tells of his grandfather, Rav Chaim Soloveitchik, who troubled himself greatly by a fear of death. Whenever he engulfed himself with this fear, he sought out a rational way of thinking of death and mortality and turned to study the halachas of death. This reframing, this renewal of thinking in healthier ways, provided him peace to move forward.
We see in the Torah this is what Hashem teaches Moshe to do to help Aharon – to become deeply involved with the holy service in the Mishkan. This helped him calm himself as he focused on holiness, providing him joy and gladness. He did not turn away from his healthy negative emotions regarding his loss. He did not ignore reality. He acknowledged his loss and went about changing what he could in the very same space and in the same service that killed his sons. Recall the sin of Aharon’s sons, as we learned in parsha Shemini, was the substitution of their own ideas of ritual behavior – an aish zarah, an alien fire – for Hashem’s specific instructions.
In the wake of unimaginable tragedy, Aharon found solace by embodying flexibility and acceptance, turning towards the holiness of the Mishkan as instructed by the Divine. For Hashem’s teachings are the wellspring of life – nourishing us emotionally, physically, and spiritually. As we learn in Psalm 19, “The Torah of Hashem is perfect, restoring the soul. The testimony of Hashem is trustworthy, making the simple wise. The orders of Hashem are upright, gladdening the heart; the command of Hashem is clear, enlightening the eyes.”
In our moments of deepest darkness, it is the sacred words of Torah that illuminate our path forward. By aligning ourselves with its eternal truths, we fortify ourselves from within. The light of Hashem’s wisdom rejuvenates our spirits, lending us strength to persevere through suffering. With humble submission, we open our hearts to the restorative powers of His perfect Torah – a soothing balm upon the brokenness of the human condition.
Let us, like Aharon before us, seek sanctuary in the hallowed sanctuary of connection with the Almighty. For it is there that true sheleimus, wholeness of being, can be attained. Embracing the flexibility to unconditionally accept that which we cannot change while anchoring ourselves in the timeless teachings that Hashem lovingly imparted for our highest good.
To walk the path of Torah is to discover the roadmap for a life imbued with profound purpose and sacred joy. By turning to the wellspring of wisdom bequeathed by our learned sages, we gain a transcendent lens through which to navigate the human experience. Yet learning alone is insufficient – it is in the embodiment, in the action, of these eternal truths that we find ultimate meaning and fulfillment.
Aharon modeled this ideal, seamlessly translating the teachings of his brother Moshe into righteous action. For the Torah itself exhorts, “You shall observe My decrees and laws, which man shall carry out and by which he shall live – I am Hashem.” The Midrash expounds upon this call, urging us to “Make it primary, not secondary” and warning against the folly of seeking foreign wisdoms once we have tasted the pristine waters of Torah.
There is no culmination to this sacred journey, for the Torah’s depths are boundless. With every mitzvah embodied, every mystical secret uncovered, we ascend towards ever-greater spiritual heights. Let us immerse ourselves fully in this ocean of divine wisdom, allowing its currents to propel our souls towards their loftiest realms.
Let the Torah be our guide, helping us find meaning in every moment. By following its teachings, we can become better people, find more happiness, and feel closer to Hashem. The wisdom of the Torah helps us build fulfilling lives that make a difference, both for ourselves and the world around us.
The Rosh Yeshiva of the Novardok Yeshiva in Bialystok, R’ Avraham Yoffen, brings this insight. He teaches us that the Torah is not to simply be studied, but to be lived. Making Torah study and action primary helps prevent one from committing the sins of putting one’s own desires before Hashem’s as we saw in Aharon’s sons. But we are not expected to be perfect. Hashem does not demand perfection from us. We are however asked to continually strive to be better. By asking what we’ve learned from an experience, what we can do to grow and move forward in a more positive way, we emerge stronger, better, and improved, regardless of the hardships with which we’ve been asked to deal. This also points to judging others who may not be as “perfect” as us.
As we have just finished a wonderful time celebrating Pesach, we’ve cleansed ourselves to cultivate a healthy and sound mind, body, and soul. This is a time in which we recalled the Exodus from Egypt, and we do so daily. We learn that our true freedom comes from recognizing that external circumstances do not determine our emotions, but rather that our own thinking about our circumstance create our feelings. This is ultimately attained through prayer, Torah study and adhering to the mitzvos we learn. This is the way we gain our freedom of thought and build our strength. Mindful, attentive, prayer is a well-crafted way of permeating our lives with ideals that can energize our emotional wellness.
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Michael R. Mantell, Ph.D., prepares a weekly D’var Torah for Young Israel of San Diego, where he and his family are members. They are also active members of Congregation Adat Yeshurun. He may be contacted via michael.mantell@sdjewishworld.com