By Laurie Baron
SAN DIEGO — My son asked me what I’m thankful for this year. I gave the standard answer: my creature comforts, dog, family, friends, health, and house. Then he queried if I was grateful that Trump was elected president. I struggled to find some reasons I hadn’t abandoned all my hope for the future. Here’s what I came up with.
I am grateful that Trump received less than fifty percent of the popular vote. Although he has won the electoral college twice, he has never managed to persuade over half of American voters that he merited their support. Despite his claims to the contrary, he did not receive a mandate. Perhaps put another way, he did attain what I call a “man spate” with men preferring Trump 55 to 42 percent and women favoring Harris 53 to 45 percent.
I am grateful that Trump nominated Matt Gaetz and then had to withdraw the nomination. At least a few Republican senators still possess backbones though I fear those bones are brittle and will crack under the pressure Trump will exert to confirm the remainder of his cabinet choices. I have anticipatory gratitude for the leaking of the Ethics Committee report on Gaetz. If Trump complains, let’s remind him that he once exclaimed, “I love Wikileaks.”
I am grateful that Trump nominated Robert F. Kennedy Jr. to head the Department of Health and Human Services instead of his never announced initial choice: the owner of a bleach company. Throughout Trump’s term, I plan to get vaccinations, stand far away from others in crowds, wash my hands, and wear a Hazmat suit outside my home. I will produce a public service ad for Fox saying “I told you so” to all the MAGA folks who heeded Kennedy’s advice and contracted preventable communicable diseases. Who knows? Those outbreaks might cull Trump’s electorate and result in a Democratic majority in upcoming elections.
I am grateful that Donald Trump nominated wrestling executive Linda McMahon to lead the Department of Education. Forget calisthenics and other physical activities, from now on departments of physical education will be merged with theatre departments. At least students won’t get hurt staging their mandatory wrestling bouts.
I am grateful Donald Trump nominated Tulsi Gabbard to be director of national intelligence. Think of all the espionage funding that will be saved when we can just listen to Gabbard parrot the intentions and talking points of our foreign enemies.
Finally, as a satirist, I am so grateful Trump will be president again. It means I’ll have plenty of material to ridicule for the next four years.
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Laurie Baron is a professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University