By Laurie Baron
SAN DIEGO — It has been one week since Donald Trump renamed the Gulf of Mexico as the Gulf of America. There are rumors that he wanted to rename it the Golf of America since he owns three golf courses in Florida and the new name was intended to increase business. One of his brighter cabinet members, probably Rubio, informed him that Gulf and Golf are not homonyms. Trump accepted the correction because he disliked being associated with a word that begins with homo.
This, however, is only his start of renaming government agencies, places, and policies.
He plans to rearrange the letters DEI into DIE to stand for Don’t Insure Equality. DIE reminds his MAGA minions about how equal opportunity hiring policies caused the collision between a helicopter and regional jet this week and rendered California unable to easily contain 100 mph windblown conflagrations. It also evokes the acronym Dwarfs Instigate Emergencies. The LIP, Little People of America, condemned his vilifying them by declaring, “We may be small in stature, but he’s a mental midget.”
Trump is changing the name of California to Commiefornia. Why else would 58 % of the state’s electorate cast their votes for Harris? He intends this to be a temporary measure. After he deports all those illegal immigrants posing as Californians who voted for Harris, he will rename California West Mar-a-Lago. Its capital city will be moved to Silicon Valley. There will be a poll among the state’s residents whether the new capital should be called Muskville or Zuck City.
Following his purge of the FBI, which stands for Fanatical Bureau of Ingrates to him, he will alter the agency’s name to Fawning Bros of Injustice and recruit its members from the ranks of the 1/6 political prisoners he pardoned. All the FBI personnel who prosecuted them will be rounded up and interned at Guantanamo which will be renamed the Donald Trump Reeducation Center where they will comingle with the illegal alien criminals who were their former bosses.
Finally, the renaming project will culminate when Trump scraps the name the United States of America and replaces it with MAGA, My America Governed Autocratically.
*
Laurie Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University.
Hi Laurie,
I have had a few suggestions along this line:
The Dead Sea is renamed “Mar-a-Lago.”
Washington, D.C. is renamed “Sweden.”
And, I can’t resist, off the W coast of Florida, will be the “Gulf of Hank.”
Me thinks the good professor is becoming a conservative. Bout time…
Me thinks you misunderstood the satiric contempt that underlies the column.
How can you not get the satire