By Rabbi Baruch Lederman
- Rabbi Baruch Lederman
SAN DIEGO — Pinchus in his famous episode and the daughters of Tzelofchod in theirs, had the courage to not follow the norm like sheep. They weren’t afraid what people might think. They did what was right, not what was convenient, not what everyone else was doing. Our lives will be happier indeed if we take their example as the following true story (names of all people and institutions changed) illustrates:
Leah was entering her senior year in Bais Yaakov High School, an orthodox girls school in New York. This was a very exciting time for her, as senior year involved applying to seminary. She was happy to be one of the many girls planning to study in seminary in Israel after for a year after graduating high school. The deep intense study she would be exposed to, combined with the holiness of the land of Israel, promised to make this the most memorable year of her life.
Like all the girls, she did her ‘due diligence’ checking out numerous seminaries, the applied to her top choices and hoped for the best.
After what seemed like an eternity of waiting, she got accepted to two seminaries; Derech Tevunah, and Bnos Malka. It was not a
difficult decision for her. Derech Tevunah was her clear first choice. Everything she had learned in her seminary research told her that Derech Tevunah was the place for her. It was the place where she would thrive. Where she would reach the zenith of her potential.
The next day in school, she and her friends were talking seminaries and she told them of her decision. Their reaction was not at all what she anticipated. Instead of glee they were aghast. “How can you even think of going there?”
“What do you mean?”
“You’re never going to get a shidduch if you go there. Derech Tevunah doesn’t have a good reputation in shidduchim like Bnos Malka. No yeshiva
boy is going to want to go out with you if you have Derech Tevunah on your resume.”
Leah was bewildered and conflicted. She had just gotten the wind knocked out of her. She really felt that Derech Tevunah was the place where she
would do the best and gain the most; but, should she risk her future for that? Did she want to become a Dating Pariah? A Shidducha Non Grata? On the other hand, did she want to give up being all that she could be for a husband she hadn’t even met.
After much agony, after hearing many opinions (solicited or not), she attended Bnos Malka. She had a fine time there and tried not to think about what it would have been like in Derech Tevunah.
After her year in seminary, she returned to New York. It was time to start dealing with the ‘real world.’ Within short order she began
shidduch dating. Dating can be a complex emotional process full of disappointment and drama. The shadchan describes the potential suitor and gives you information on them including schools and shuls attended, career plans, references, etc. You would then check out the information, possibly call the references, and decide if you wish to go out. Over time she was introduced to some excellent boys from some of the finest yeshivos.
Eventually, she was introduced to a young man named Meir from Yeshivas Anshei Lev. Date after date, they hit it off famously. Before long, Meir popped the question and the two were engaged. Now they are happily married.
During their engagement, while discussing details for the wedding, Meir asked Leah if she invited Rabbi Rosenfeld for the wedding.
“Who is Rabbi Rosenfeld?”, Leah responded.
“You know, Rabbi Rosenfeld, the dean of your seminary.”
“The dean of my seminary was Rabbi Abramstein. There was no Rabbi Rosenfeld at Bnos Malka.”
“Oh I see. My mistake. I always thought that you had gone to Derech Tevunah Seminary.”
*
Rabbi Lederman is spiritual leader of Congregation Kehillas Torah in San Diego. He may be contacted at baruch.lederman@sdjewishworld.com