By Donald H. Harrison
SAN DIEGO — Having watched the July 27 opening ceremony of the 30th Olympiad on television, and having read Danny Boyle spent $42 million to produce that spectacle, I had the altogether unwarranted and vain notion that I could produce a shorter version, but one more compelling. While there were moments of the London extravaganza that were truly unforgettable–such as the skit starring the Queen of England in which she, accompanied by James Bond (actor Daniel Craig), arrived in the stadium by parachute (or at least her body double did) –the story became too confusing and crowded as the stadium’s internal landscape changed from that of agricultural England to that of the industrial revolution to that of Britain’s scary story books to that of British pop music. No, no, I thought, better a single story line, consistent with the theme of the Olympics, all the while showcasing the glories of the United Kingdom.
Remember, please, I was sleep deprived as this scenario unfolded in my mind.
In the four corners of the United Kingdom (England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland) the whispered calls go forth, prompting people in modern and folkloric pursuits to abandon what they are doing in order to suit up in armor and to follow iconic figures who ride as knights or ladies at the head of their respective assemblages. These leaders perform a few well chosen equestrian stunts along the way as they pass the famous sites of their lands. Their colorful armies — emboldened by stirring regional anthems–converge into the stadium, brandishing their swords and spears high over their heads. Emerging from the stands at the cardinal points of the stadium, these resolute soldiers watch silently, some in awe, some in prayer, as their knight and lady champions ride toward each other at full gallop, lances in front of them.
Now this part will take a little practice, but instead of jousting each other off their horses, the knights and ladies dip their lances and with their points pick up the four corners of a large flag–the Olympic banner– which they in teamwork unfurl high and ride with together around the stadium, cheers breaking out from their respective armies as they pass. The banner is affixed to a large flagpole and the knights and ladies return to their quarters.
Now, a bugler sounds “Charge!” and the armies with a tumultuous yell dash towards each other in a frenzy, their swords and spears lifted high. Before they get to each other however, they come to a large pit, into which they simultaneously hurl their swords. As they watch, a giant steam hammer comes down (by pulley) from the heavens, and with assistance from the assembled armies (with great elaboration, they pull switches press buttons, and do other Rube Goldberg-style things), the hammer begins to beat the metal in the pit. The beat of the steam hammer is transformed into joyous music. Cue the London Symphony. And then, under a cloud of steam the swords and spears are transformed into — what else –two giant Transformer Knights, which then fold out, down, and over and are thereby themselves transformed into a large agricultural tractor and an equally large robotic fruit-picking machine.
Lest anyone miss the point, the tractor and robotic fruit picker spread out another banner, this one reading “Isaiah 2:4.”
Entering the stadium at this point is the Olympic torchbearer, whose progress has been monitored on the stadium screens. The torch would be used to light arrows from archers of the four armies. The flaming arrows would be fired in synchronized manner into the same pit from which the tractor and robotic fruit picker previously had emerged. A large flame would be ignited in the pit and mechanized pillars would lift the flaming Olympic cauldron into the air. (Okay that part was directly stolen from Boyle’s rendition.)
From points all over the stadium, white doves would be released, and then all eyes would turn to her majesty, the queen. “Let the games begin… and may peace among our nations forever reign,” she would declare.
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Harrison is editor of San Diego Jewish World. He may be contacted at donald.harrison@sdjewishworld.com
The following was received from Lloyd Levy, our London correspondent.
The opening ceremony of the 2012 London Olympics, was in any ways a great success. It summarised Britain very well, with its eccentricity and history. It has done a great deal to lift the spirits, and can be seen in the context of other recent events, such as the Queen’s Jubilee and the Royal Wedding.
It cleverly ticked many of the boxes of what one would think of regarding Britain- the Queen, James Bond, Mr Bean, the Beetles, David Beckham . In that sense it was a caricature, yet our sense of humour does often rely on laughing at our idiosyncrasies.
Yet it was Britain and the World seen from a very left wing viewpoint, which presumably represented the organisers’ world view. The Industrial Revolution scene seemed to show the workers labouring under the eye of top hatted “capitalists”. The National Health Service was the centrepiece of another scene, which is a contentious political hot potato in today’ s austerity, when the country finds it simply cannot afford the public health service anymore. The “Palestinian” Olympic team was featured in a significant TV view, in addition to their entry with the other teams (anti Zionism is an integral part of the European left worldview). The Israeli TV entry could hardly have been given less TV space. The woman in the Saudi team, showing the V for Victory sign with her fingers, was given a significantly long TV exposure (it was the first time that Saudi has had women athletes at the Olympics).
Lastly, I was uneasy with the scene showing the Queen supposedly parachuting into the Arena. I do wonder if the Queen made the correct decision in taking part in that James Bond scene? It was completely out of character, and many might think it demeaned her position as Queen.
Nevertheless, no one can deny that the Opening Ceremony and the Olympics in general, are an enormous boost to Britain and home morale at this time.
I watched the opening ceremony and was entirely confused. Thank goodness the TV commentators had a script to explain what it was all supposed to mean.
$42 million for that??? I did get a kick out of the Queen Elizabeth and 007 skit and the funny man playing the piano with one finger forever, but besides that I think Danny Boyle might have written the whole thing while suffering with a bad headache or a hangover. Sorry to say your alternative scenario also sounds more than a bit odd, but then you have the excuse of being sleep deprived, while Mr. Boyle should have been wide awake while concocting his grand opening.
Cheers and better luck next time London.