By Rabbi Michael Leo Samuel
CHULA VISTA, California — As a rite of passage, the Bar/Bat Mitzvah marks the beginning of a young person’s adult participation in the Jewish community. However, in many congregations across the religious divide, the Bar and Bat Mitzvah day has become a graduation from Judaism. When I think about the reasons for this phenomenon, I believe that we as parents and as rabbis have sometimes failed to convey the deeper and more spiritual meaning of this special day. Young people intrinsically know when we are “real,” and they also know when we are inauthentic and pretentious.
Over the decades, I have been to many of these religious ceremonies when the family and child make a toast to their guests with the words, “Free at last, free at last, thank God Almighty, I’m free at last.”
Given this common perception, how do we as rabbis and parents make this day more meaningful to our young people? Over the last decade, I have found one method that seems to work quite well—family education. Typically, every student comes with a parent for the session of study that usually runs about an hour and fifteen minutes—to an hour and a half. Oftentimes, because of scheduling, a parent will bring a younger sibling to see what a Bar or Bat Mitzvah lesson is really like. When young people see their parents participating in Jewish life and study, they teach their child by example.
In Zach Katz’s case, his parents Max and Kathy often came together and in the course of study, all of us would talk about the issues that affect real people and how Jewish ethical values can make a small but significant difference in the world around us. Zach would often tell me about his or her experiences at the school and we often have discussions on what it means to be part of a Jewish minority in a world that does not live by Jewish values and ethics. In my conversations with him, I learned a lot about surfing that I didn’t know about.
Like every Bar and Bat Mitzvah student here at TBS in Chula Vista, young Zach had to prepare three talks: one on the Torah Reading, Haftorah Reading, and personal reflections what it means to be a Bar Mitzvah. At the end of the Bar Mitzvah services, he will be singing a Jewish rap song on what it means to be Bar Mitzvah.
The best compliment a young person tells me is, “Are we finished already? Where did the time go?” When we help our young people spiritually connect with the importance of the lesson, that child will continue to identify positively as a Jewish young adult. Discussions at the Bar or Bat Mitzvah often include topics about science and Judaism, the Holocaust and God, and common concerns that affect the kids in their schools, such as the problem of bullying.
Sometimes, our conversations can be quite fascinating. Yesterday, he asked a very thought-provoking question: Does a clone have a soul? I told him that every human being has a soul—regardless whether that person was born in the normal way, or whether a person is created in a laboratory. Every person has unique experiences that cannot be replicated—even if one is a clone.
Most synagogues encourage their students to take on a mitzvah project dealing with bettering the world around them. This approach is called, “Tikkun Olam,” which literally means, “Fixing the world.” Some of my students have had some pretty imaginative projects, such as growing vegetable to be distributed at the local food kitchens for the poor and homeless.
Zach’s project is unique. Zach and his parents put together a special website entitled My Bar Mitzvah Project athttp://www.myfriendindeed.org/#!about/c14qb.
He dedicated this website in honor of his cousin Rachel Katz who died at a young age and suffered from autism. In his website’s statement, he explains the purpose of his Bar Mitzvah project:
- The purpose of the donation is to provide children with autism with the tools they need to enjoy going to the beach. After spending a day at the beach with them, I learned that the kids with autism enjoyed water activities and were able to relate with the environment and they can be more talkative when they were in the water. I would like to get donations for water tools, so they can have a better and more memorable time at the beach.
Help me raise money for kids with autism by selling bracelets that say: “A Friend In Need Is a Friend Indeed!” He proudly says, “100% of the proceeds will be given to the Pioneer Learning Center in Ocean Beach, CA. I plan on raising money by selling cool colored bracelets and accepting your most generous donations.”
Young Zach has all the makings of a true mentsch—someone who acts compassionately toward others. Zach told me that he is keeping his website up indefinitely so that it will help raise money for the autistic children at the Pioneer Learning Center.
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Rabbi Samuel is spiritual leader at Temple Beth Shalom in Chula Vista. He may be contacted via michael.samuel@sdjewishworld.com