Humoring the headlines: September 19, 2013

By Laurie Baron

SAN DIEGO — As the Republican Party tries to broaden its appeal, it has developed more factions:

The Defundamentalists: Republicans who oppose any bill that does not defund Obama Care.

The limmigrationists: Republicans who oppose any bill that creates a pathway to citizenship.

Deficit Attentionists: Republicans who oppose any bill that raises the deficit.

Right to Lifers: Republicans who oppose abortion to win over the fetus vote.

Right to Riflers: Republicans who oppose gun control.

Isolationists: Republicans who impose gun control on the US Armed Forces.

Moderates: Republicans who have lost their primary elections to Tea Party challengers.

Rabbi Philip Berg of the Kabbalah Center passed away this week. Madonna, his most famous pupil, plans to wear a red ribbon (and only a red ribbon) at her next performance to memorialize him.

Howard Schultz, the CEO of Starbucks, has backtracked on his policy of allowing Starbucks’ customers to carry guns in his stores.  He has asked them to refrain from doing so, especially if they are drinking Trenta cups of espresso.

The NRA drafted the new Louisiana constitutional amendment guaranteeing the gun owning rights of its citizens.  Ex-felons who previously had been barred from purchasing guns sued the state and won their case.  The judge ruled that law abiding citizens will need the aid of armed ex-convicts when Obama tires to confiscate all the weapons in the state.

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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University.  He may be contacted at lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com