Humoring the headlines: September 30, 2013

By Laurie Baron

Guido Barilla, the owner of the largest pasta company in the world, asserted that he would never feature a gay family in his firm’s commercials because he believes that only a woman and a man can form a family.  Barilla also announced that he would halt production of large shells and manicotti because their shapes are too sexually suggestive.  In reaction to LGBT groups calling for a boycott of Barilla products, Vladimir Putin designated Barilla the official pasta of the 2014 Winter Olympics.

Now that Congress is stalemated over funding the Affordable Health Care Act, House Republicans are attempting to demonstrate that deficit hawkishness will benefit the health of Americans.  They justify their reductions in the Food Stamp program on the grounds that it will prevent poor people from eating and thereby lower national rates of diabetes and obesity.  They now refer to budget cutting as “cashtration” for the body politic.

Outraged over President Obama’s phone call to the new Iranian president, House Republicans wondered why he hadn’t called them about resolving the current budget impasse.  The President replied, “Because President Rouhani has exhibited more flexibility than the Tea Party Caucus.

The Koch Brothers have been funding a massive ad campaign encouraging people to opt out of Obama Care.  Their ads portray a scary-looking Uncle Sam performing a pelvic examination on a woman and a prostate exam on a man.   If they are so fearful of government intrusion on the doctor-patient relationship, why don’t they fund ads against recent state laws mandating vaginal ultrasounds for women seeking an abortion?

Leading scientists issued a report predicting that global warming is accelerating and attributing 95 % of it to carbon emissions by people.  They ascribed the other 5 % to all the hot air emitted by Congress over the past few years.

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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University.  He may be contacted at lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com