By Laurie Baron
SAN DIEGO―Major cuts in the Food Stamp Program went into effect the day after Halloween. When criticized for reducing food subsidies for those who can’t afford to feed themselves, a number of Tea Party Republicans introduced legislation to hold Halloween on the last Thursday of every month to sweeten the lives of the starving.
Upon hearing the revelations that the NSA spied on the Vatican, Pope Francis ordered a review of Vatican security camera footage and discovered that Tom Hanks planted the bugs in St. Peter’s during the filming of the Da Vinci Code.
Having passed separate laws making it more difficult for women to get an abortion and vote, the Texas legislature has decided to combine the two policies. If their proposed law is passed, it will require Texas women to show proof that they have never used the services of Planned Parenthood in order to vote, and limit the size of abortion clinics to no bigger than a voting booth.
The Toronto Police have confirmed that they now have a copy of the videotape showing the city’s mayor Rob Ford smoking crack cocaine. Although Ford has denied the allegations, rumors are rife that he will resign to star in the sequel to Breaking Bad.
Marketing research has ascertained that fewer teenagers are using Facebook and have switched to Twitter. Projections of this trend have led to predictions that most teenagers find it too difficult to come up with 140 characters to express themselves in their Tweets and are searching for a social media site that will restrict their entries to shrugs, grunts, yes, no, or whatever.
Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted at Lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com