By Laurie Baron
SAN DIEGO―Last week President Obama admitted he had fumbled the ball in the rollout for the Affordable Health Care Act and pledged he would rectify his mistake: “If I fumbled the ball, I’m somebody who’s going to wait until I get the next play and run as hard as I can. We did fumble the ball.” The Republicans accepted his challenge, and the Health Care Bowl will be played on January 1, 2014.
Here’s my prediction for the game. The computer locking system for the gates of the stadium initially will break down and the fans won’t be able to enter it. After a while, the locks will open and the stadium will fill up. The Republicans will lose the coin toss and kick off to the Democrats. Obama will try to put the ball in the air, but the Republicans will repeatedly deflect it until a referee assesses a penalty for passage interference. They will plead futilely with the referees to change the call and charge Obama with an illegal procedure. Having hoped for a touchdown on the first possession, Obama will be forced to punt when fans in the cheap seats complain that their tickets cost more than advertised.
When the Republicans get the ball, Ted Cruz tries to walk off the field and have the game cancelled. The referees penalize him for delay of game. Meanwhile, injuries to players on both teams mount. The team doctor for the Democrats patches up their hurt players so they can return to the game. The Republicans refused to spend tax dollars for medical care and only issued First Aid kits to their players. Finally, Obama agrees to honor the original ticket prices for the cheap seats. 39 percent of the crowd cheers for the Democrats compared to 9 percent for the Republicans. Most of the fans are hedging their bets until late in the game. Since the Republican coverage is so poor, the Democrats manage to score a touchdown on a Hail Mary pass in the closing seconds of the game.
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Lawrence Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted at Lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com