Humoring the Headlines: November 22, 2013

Lawrence (Laurie) Baron
Lawrence (Laurie) Baron

SAN DIEGO―Republican Congressman Trey Radel of Florida pled guilty of cocaine possession and use this week and blamed his addiction on his alcoholism.  This is the same excuse embattled Toronto Mayor Rob Ford gave for smoking crack cocaine.  Reporters checking into the drinking habits of the two men have learned that they always ordered rum and coke.  In a related story Radel defended his call to require drug tests for food stamp recipients.  As he sees it, “You shouldn’t dispense food stamps to someone with the munchies.”

Weeks after an autopsy of the remains of Yasser Arafat revealed  high levels of the radioactive substance Polonium, the Iranian government is seeking to have his corpse transferred to Iran to be enriched and used in its “peaceful” nuclear program.

The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration has ordered that seats in buses involved in intercity travel must be equipped with safety belts, thereby repealing the clause that had exempted bus passengers from being subject to the laws of physics.

Senate Republics are livid over the elimination of the filibuster to delay the approval of Federal judges and executive appointments.  Mitch McConnell warned the democrats they will rue the day they changed this rule which preserved the essence of the American system of government by checks and obstruction.

On the basis of science that claims fetuses can feel pain at 5 months, pro-life forces are trying to ban any abortions that come after the 20th week of pregnancy.  Pro-choice groups have countered that all fetuses should be issued cell phones to call 911 if they are inconvenienced by a late term abortion.

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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University.  He may be contacted at lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com