By Laurie Baron
SAN DIEGO―China has landed a rover on the moon. It immediately opened a restaurant and a bank to extend credit to whatever countries try to settle the moon. Then it started building a factory for Walmart. The shuttle with robot workers manufactured by Apple will arrive next month.
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Sixteen year-old Ethan Couch received a probationary sentence for killing four people and injuring two others while driving his car while intoxicated. The judge accepted his lawyer’s contention that he suffered from “affluenza” and felt entitled to break the law because he was so wealthy. Drawing on this precedent, public defenders plan to claim that their clients are afflicted with “povertitis” which compels them to commit crimes because otherwise they’ll starve or be homeless.
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The Obama administration has recruited popular entertainers to convince young adults to enroll in policies on healthcare.gov. In previews of the ad campaign, Lindsay Lohan informs the audience how cheap it is now for her buy drugs; Justin Bieber extols the system that is reimbursing him for anger management therapy; and Miley Cyrus expresses appreciation for the free pelvic replacement surgery she had after a major twerking injury.
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Incensed by an article in Slate that questioned why Santa is always depicted as white and never as black, Megyn Kelly of Fox News assured her viewers that it is just a historical fact that Santa is white Doctors throughout the world then tweeted her that given that Santa works in the North Pole and flies in an unheated sled at night in the dead of winter, his uncovered face has been ravaged with severe frostbite which turns skin black.
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North Korea announced that Kim Jong Un’s uncle has been executed for treason. Pundits on the politics of the isolated communist country have observed that those attending Kim’s family dinners must be very careful about what they say during the meal.
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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted at lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com