Humoring the Headlines: July 21, 2014

By Laurie Baron

SAN DIEGO―Hamas agreed to accept all the unaccompanied minors who have sought asylum in the United States so long as they don’t mind living in tents above missile and weapon caches.

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The Pro-Russian Ukrainian rebels suspected of downing Malaysian Airlines Flight 17 have analyzed its black box and concluded that the plane crashed because the ground crew did not wind up the rubber band tightly enough.

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The World Health Organization issued a warning to travelers to the Middle East about the dangers of contracting Middle East Respiratory Syndrome. The WHO also warned travelers to that region to duck if they spot any flying object hurtling down towards them.

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Rick Perry criticized Rand Paul’s “isolationist” foreign policy. Perry supports American intervention everywhere in the world except Texas.

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Feeling overshadowed by ISIS, the Gaza Conflict, and the downing of Malaysian Airlines Flight 17, Boko Haram is wondering what it has to do to top its mass kidnapping of girls to get the world’s attention.

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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University.  He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com.  San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.