By Michael Mantell, PhD
SAN DIEGO — I just finished loading my iPod with nearly three hours of Christmas music. I enjoy listening to Christmas music – especially the soppy, nostalgic stuff. I like the feeling of crisp, colder weather that the music reminds me of when I was a kid in New Jersey – Newark and West Orange. I like the bell ringers that I recall were well positioned in front of now defunct stores such as Orbach’s, Bamberger’s, Hahne’s and S. Klein on the Square. I even enjoy looking at the picture of me sitting on Santa’s lap in Bamberger’s with sleigh bells dancing around in my head.
There is something very warming about these memories, despite the freezing cold weather and dirty, shloshy snow that went with it. The guys in “hoodies” selling Christmas trees on street corners, every television and radio commercial somehow tying up to Christmas, mistletoe hanging in doorways decorated by wreaths, and chestnuts roasting on open fires – these pictures demonstrate that American culture worked. America expected me to view Christmas in a positive light and I did, and do — unlike Kyle from the famed TV show, “South Park.” You remember his famous lament in the classic Mr. Hanky Christmas episode?
Its hard to be a Jew on Christmas
My friends won’t let me join in any games
And I can’t sing Christmas songs, or decorate a Christmas tree
Or leave water out for Rudolph coz there’s something wrong with me
My people don’t believe in Jesus Christ divinity
I am a Jew. A lonely Jew on Christmas
Chanukah is nice but why is it, that Santa pass’ over my house every year
And instead of eating ham I have to eat kosher lat-kees
Instead of Silent Night I’m singing Ho Chak Da Do Devish
And what is up with lighting all those candles tell me please
I am a Jew, a lonely Jew, I’d be merry but I’m Hebrew, on Christmas.
Poor Kyle. He never found meaning in his Jewish life. It was all alien to him and left him feeling like an outsider. The Jewish community, rituals, mitzvoth, Israel, Jewish history, youth movements…Kyle had none of these.
No, I don’t “celebrate” Christmas. Come to think of it, I don’t dye Easter eggs either. I just enjoy it as I would enjoy visiting many foreign cultures. Yes, I know there are some who would find a Jew enjoying the “secularized” aspect of a holiday that celebrates the birth of Jesus rather revolting. After all, they would reason and argue, Christmas celebrates the birth of someone who came to rescue mankind from “the curse of Torah.” They would see it as a day-long assertion that Judaism is no longer valid. This same group, keep in mind, may well harbor deep antipathy towards assimilated Jews who do not observe Judaism in a fashion similar, if not identical, to themselves.
To those who say that the Christmas tree is a secular American symbol, of course I say “No!” The Christmas tree is a powerful symbol of the cross, the most holy symbol of the Christian religion. The evergreen is said to represent the Christian promise of eternal life through faith in Jesus. The lights decorating the tree stand for Jesus, known to Christians as the light of the world. Christianity is a religion I, of course, respect. However, we who do not share the Christian faith are wise not to celebrate Christmas, for it is a Christian religious holiday replete with religious Christian customs and rituals.
From the end of the Thanksgiving Day Macy’s parade to the end of Christmas day, there is no mistaking the fact that we American Jews live in an overwhelmingly Christian populated country. This never troubled me. As long as I am certain of my own faith and identity, all of the Santas in the world, all of the beautiful wreaths, the jingling bells, the trees, the eggnog and carols do not diminish me or make me any less.
As long as I am certain of my own faith and identity I can rather safely enjoy visiting a foreign land. When that certainty falters, everything crumbles. For that certainty to develop, I believe, there needs to be a clear line, a demarcation, between what is Jewish and what is non-Jewish. It is more important to concern ourselves with giving our children firm, clear, certain Jewish identities instead of running around sheltering our children from Christmas trees in malls and clicking off Christmas music on the radio.
Ok. So it is Christmas. If you are like me, you’ve enjoyed nearly a month of the Christian holiday regalia. You go to sleep on Christmas eve with no sugar plums dancing in your head, no cookies and milk by the fireplace for Santa. You wake up Sunday morning and alas, no presents, no trees, no Santas. What do you do?
Go to the movies and eat Chinese food, of course. Everything else is closed. And the sales don’t start until Monday morning
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Mantell is author of the just published 25th Anniversary Edition of his 1988 original, Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff — PS It’s All Small Stuff.
To purchase a copy, connect to Amazon by clicking on the picture of his book on the right hand panel. Comments on the above column may be placed in the box provided below or you may contact the author directly via michael.mantell@sdjewishworld.com
Sorry to disagree with you, Dr Mantell, but growing up Reform Jewish in Omaha, I enjoyed the joy my Christian friends had at Christmas time. We did not “celebrate” Christmas, but my brothers and I sang in glee clubs and choirs that included carols. That did not make us Christians. We loved the music, as you did. I agree that you must be comfortable in your own skin to enjoy all the culture around you, at any holiday time during the year. At Easter time, we can enjoy coloring eggs, but we also enjoy our seders. Observing others’ holidays does not change who we are. Partaking of everything around you will not take away from who you are. In fact, it may add to your being in a positive way.
joan levinson
Dear Dr. Mantel,
Thank you for your very timely article enjoy Christmas, but be secure as a Jew. I have always enjoyed the time from Thanksgivng to New Year’s Eve. Yes I sat on Santa’s lap in LA as a child. I love the songs, the lights the smells. The past few years I have attended midnight mass at a Catholic Church to support my secretary who sings in the choir and does not have family to attend. The mass is beautiful and did not threaten my Jewishness. At the end of the service the priest would thank my husband and I for coming and supporting Dulce and wish us Happy Chanukah. It was clear we were there as her Jewish Family.
I have friends who would not attend Judy Collins concert recently as it was advertised as a holiday show. “What are you afraid of” I asked? Judy sang a few holiday songs and several of her treasured hits. What a night it was.
Enjoy life, don’t be afraid. There is so much beauty and richness around us. It will not take away from who you are and what you believe.
Pat Feldman