Editor’s Note: The following eulogy is extrapolated from Rabbi Rosenthal’s notes.
A Eulogy by Rabbi Leonard Rosenthal
Tifereth Israel Synagogue
(Photo: Scoop San Diego)
SAN DIEGO — When we recite the Yizkor prayer for a mother, we refer to a mother who has passed away as imi morati, my mother, my teacher. In this simple phrase we have a recognition of the significant role entrusted to the mother, her role as teacher of her children.
For the most significant part of a child’s education occurs not in the classroom, but in the home. The mother conveys to her children her fears and her hopes, her defeats and aspirations, through the way that she handles the experiences of life. These hopes and values are what shape the outlook of her children and her grandchildren, and generations beyond.
This afternoon, as we bid our final farewell to Sylvia Borkat, who passed away on January 1 at the age of 101, we recall the phrase, imi morati, my mother, my teacher, for above all, Sylvia was the person in her family to whom others looked to for guidance on how to deal with all that life brought,
I never recall seeing Sylvia without a smile on her face or a twinkle in her eye. She was always happy, warm, welcoming, and kind. She was always optimistic, never had an unkind word to say about anyone, looked for the best in people, and embraced life and people joyously and enthusiastically. She also had a wonderful sense of humor. On those occasions when her hearing aid was whistling, all I had to do was point to my ear, and she would laugh and make some funny remark before turning it down.
Everyone loved Sylvia and everyone wanted to be her friend. When she and Phil came in to the Synagogue on Shabbat, they would always sit in the same seats by the windows, and people would flock around them, welcoming and greeting them.
Even at 101 years of age, Sylvia was never old. Her mind was sharper than most people half of her age. She not only knew what was going on in the world, but also in the lives of others. She would always ask me about my children and grandchildren, recalling details about them that I had already forgotten.
She and Phil had a relationship and marriage that was the envy of all. I knew that they had met at a very young age, but yesterday her family showed me a photograph of the two of them in the same fourth grade class in Cleveland. Sylvia sat in row next to Phil.
I asked Phil if he had a crush on her. He told me had a crush, and remembered three attributes that distinguished her from other girls : freckle faced, curly haired, smart. Even then, he told me, she had a certain magnetism – which he kidded her about throughout their entire marriage.
They began dating when they were 16 years old. Her family has her dance card from a Prom where Philip is prominently listed 3 times. They didn’t marry until they were 25. When I asked Phil what took so long, he responded that they didn’t get married until they could afford to get married. Phil went to Winconsin to work for an air conditioner company, and later went to Washington DC. to work for Uncle Sam as an engineer in the Agriculture Department. After he passed his probation period, they became engaged. Sylvia made all the arrangements for the wedding in Cleveland at a synagogue where she had taught religious school.
Her father was going to give them $300 to elope. But Philip was his parents’ only son and Sylvia thought it was not fair to his parents. So they had a formal ceremony. They lived in Silver Springs, Maryland, during which time a son Gordon, now married to Linda, was born. Then they moved back to Cleveland, where son Frank, now married to Sunny, and daughter Harriet, z”l, who was married to Warren, were both born.
During their 76 years of marriage, Sylvia and Phil, remained deeply in love and devoted to each other. Everyone noticed that they always held hands when they walked–even when one of them was using a walker. Their relationship was a role model to all of us.
Frank said parents were joined at the hips, that they did everything together whether attending symphony in Cleveland, watching Jeopardy, or doing Jumble in newspaper every day.
They took care of each other. It was amazing that when Sylvia died, she still was living independently, although certainly with Frank and Sunny’s constant assistance.
Sylvia had lots of friends no matter where she lived. People were attracted to her because she was smart, she had a sense of humor, was very kind, and interested in everyone. She remembered birthdays – not only those of her grandchildren – but her housekeeper’s. She was always interested in other people’s family stories.
Sylvia prized education not only for her children and grandchildren, but for herself as well. She Received a bachelor’s degree from Flora Stone Mather which was the woman’s college of the university that was to become Case Western Reserve, and a master’s in education from the same institution in 1971. She also earned a masters of Judaica from the Cleveland College of Jewish Studies during the same time that Frank received his Ph.D. When Frank began reading Torah at Temple Emanu-El, he would also practice his reading before his mother before he went public.
Sylvia’s children were devoted to her. When younger, she was a teacher, but then she retired to become a full time wife and mother. Sylvia loved music and played the piano by ear. She had a keyboard in her apartment. Gordon remembers that by age 3 he was introduced to all the musical instruments of orchestra and band. He decided he wanted to play trumpet, which he did until medical school. He has since picked it up again – it is one of the great loves of his life – and Sylvia gave that to him.
Frank told me that Sylvia pushed education, but beyond that allowed her children to live their own lives. She was very accepting even when family members made choices she didn’t agree with. Her family came first.
There was the time that Gordon was stationed in Fairbanks, Alaska. He and Linda wanted to go to Japan on vacation. Mike was then a baby, so Sylvia flew with Kosher meat up to Fairbanks Alaska, to take care of him. When Frank broke his leg biking, she came out to California to help.
Even when they were adults, she worried about her children: Gordon runs, and Sylvia always worried about him overdoing it.
She loved being a grandmother to Michael, Daniel, Jarrod, Adam, Jeremy, Alison, and Sandra. She was also blessed with 8 great-grandchildren: Michael, Brandon, Bailey, Jacob, Alex, Ella, Olivia, & Andrew. All the grandchildren have special memories of her, even those who lived far away.
For example, she taught Adam piano. When Adam was teaching his own 2 year to play “Mary had a little lamb,” he remembered the time Sylvia had taught him.
Daniel remembers the smell of cooking Shabbat dinner. Sylvia was an excellent cook and baker, By the way, David Ogul, who dropped off kosher Meals on Wheels to them, told me that Sylvia confided in him that she would doctor them up to make them fit for Phil to consume.
Sylvia taught Michael Hebrew so he could play hockey and still become a bar mitzvah on time.
Jeremy told me his grandmother’s hobby was curiosity. She never stopped finding out about new things: nutrition, food, and every meal had to have every color.
She was the matriarch of the entire family, and she received telephone calls from everyone. Her family brought her joy. Anyone who called, she was excited to have a conversation. People were drawn to her kindness, empathy, humility, generosity, reason and logic. She always treated people well, and in turn that’s how people related to her.
The Borkats moved from Cleveland to San Diego in 1994. following Frank out here. They made good lives for themselves. They were always traditional, deeply Jewish, and came to synagogue every Shabbat when able. I remember celebrating happy occasions with them. We invited her to the Bima for her 100th BD. She was so excited and happy and so were we.
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Rabbi Rosenthal is spiritual leader of Tifereth Israel Synagogue in San Diego. Your comment or memory of Sylvia Borkat may be posted in the box below this article.