{Eulogy delivered March 29, 2015 at the Home of Peace Cemetery, San Diego}
By Rabbi Leonard Rosenthal
SAN DIEGO–At the Seder table we read a special book which has an unusual name. The name is derived from the answer to the question posed in the Bible where we are told that the day would come when Jewish children would ask about the past, about their lives in a strange, distant land, and how they left that land to come to a land of freedom. Then v’higadata l’vinkha bayom hahu and you shall tell your child on that day saying…”
The name Haggadah means simply “to tell” and when we tell the story of past generations to our children, and our children’s children, we not only remember the past, we pass on to coming generations, the experiences, the hopes, the aspirations and the dreams of our ancestors – giving them continuity beyond their life span.
Today we remember, celebrate, honor, and tell the life’s story of Beverly Cohen, who passed away on Friday at the age of 86.
Beverly was born in Brooklyn, N.Y. She had two sisters, Edith, z”l, and Clara – who is here to honor her sister’s memory. Beverly was the baby. Their family lived in a variety of places, Beverly grew up with another family that had three girls. – Beverly’s father and the father of these girls were in business together. For a while, they even shared a house.
The Farber girls, as they were known, were the children of immigrant parents. They spoke Yiddish in the house. Theirs was a very close family; every member had to help each other, as it was the era of the Great Depression. Beverly graduated high school and worked a little bit, modeling, and then the family came to California. The weather brought them here. For a while, Beverly worked for dentist in the San Fernando Valley
One day Beverly went to visit a friend who was in the hospital. This friend’s roommate was Nehemia “Hemmy” Cohen He had broken his ankle. They two began talking, then dating, and they fell in love, and were married.
Their children, Sue and Allen, and Beverly’s son-in-law Jerry, told me that Beverly and Hemmy were very much in love, soul mates, whose relationship was marked by closeness, support, caring, warmth. They had a wonderful home life, having common goals and achieving them. They loved making music together. Both played guitar. He built a skiffle drum. After they moved to San Diego, they got together with another couple and created a folk band, which would go to Senior Centers & other places to entertain.
Beverly and Hemmy worked together in business. They owned a car wash in Inglewood, California, and later operated an insurance and financial agency.
Sadly, Hemmy died young, in 1986. Hemmy and Beverly had shared 36 beautiful years of marriage together. Although Beverly occasionally dated afterwards, no one could ever come to replacing him in her life.
After Hemmy died, Beverly had some medical issues. Within a year of passing, she was diagnosed with a heart ailment. The doctor told her she wouldn’t live past a year. Beverly waited a year and didn’t die, so she figured the doctor was wrong. She then embraced and lived life with more zest than ever before. She began traveling and living each day to its fullest.
She always loved singing. When in school as a kid, she was in presentation, but never told her parents. Later in life, she became a loyal and outstanding member of Tifereth Israel Synagogue’s Adult Choir. She and Hemmy also performed songs and parodies in some of the congregation’s productions.
Beverly had a special love of animals – especially dogs. She was a loyal supporter of the Humane Society. She was one of the most pet-centric people Jerry had known. She had a little poodle, certified as therapy dog, and took her to pediatric wards. Later, when she herself wasn’t well, she loved it when they brought in therapy dogs..
But more than anything else, Beverly loved her family, especially her grandchildren, Ben & his wife Amy, Rebecca and her husband, Damian, and Nate, Jeremy, John, and Joshua. And she was delighted to live long enough to be blessed with three great-grandchildren: RJ, Audrey, and Lila
Sue and Allen told me that she was a great mom – even though at times they were not the easiest children. Sue told me she was a tough kid (although that’s hard to believe) and Allen said he was a bit rebellious as he grew up. Regardless, Beverly was always there for her kids. Taught them great values: to be honest, straightforward, and to support civil rights and the rights of the underdog. They particularly remember marching in the teachers strike. of 1970.
Sue and Allen are especially indebted to her for instilling Jewish values. Hemmy was more traditional than Beverly, but she was also devoted to Judaism, the Jewish community, and Israel. She loved loved culture and traditions, and tried hard to keep Kosher, but kept messing it up!
Sue told me that her grandfather was the first president of Shaarey Zedek Congregation (in Valley Village, California)and she remembers going with him to synagogue for Havdalah, and holding the candle, and the wax would fall on her hand. They always lived near their synagogue. In Westchester, California, they lived two or three blocks from Beth Tikvah.
Her children remember how committed their parents were to Jewish War Veterans. One of proudest moments was when, with the help of another couple, they raised money for Magen David Adom, and purchased an ambulance for Israel. Beverly was also proud to be a member of Hadassah and received an award for her work on behalf of the B’nai Brith Women
They also remember special times traveling with their parents. When Hemmy worked at the car wash, which was open every day, he had very little time off until he got a partner, but when he was off they traveled together to the Grand Canyon, Yosemite, San Francisco, Oregon, Canada, and on family trips through Colorado, across the states on a trip to the eastern seaboard, visiting such places as Washington DC. and Niagara Falls.
One of most memorable trips that Beverly and Hemmy made together was to Israel. The family still treasures a book of photos they brought back. After he died, she went to Israel on her own and volunteered on an army base.
Sue told me about special times with Beverly. After she outlived her doctor’s one year diagnosis, Beverly began to do things she had never done before. She took Sue to Bangkok and Hong Kong. She took Rebecca and Sue on an Hawaiian cruise. In Hawaii, she went on a helicopter trip with Rebecca. She even tried Scuba, though in the end this freaked her out. And, she loved going to Las Vegas. When younger, she would take her own mother and sisters on a road trip to Las Vegas. After Sue moved to San Diego, she went to Vegas each year for her birthday.
Beverly was incredibly generous with time and space. She housed a great-niece, Michel, when she was a student and her great-niece Ellen lived with her during a year of college. Beverly also supported and worked on behalf of many worthy organizations.
Beverly was a voracious reader. Sue and Allen remember trips to the library when they were little, and how Beverly always had a book. She enjoyed the works of Grisham, Patterson, and various romantic novels, and would read anything she could get her hands on.
Beverly played mahjong with friends, and enjoyed going out to movies, as well as collecting owls, even though she didn’t realize she was collecting them.
She also loved good food, though she herself was not the greatest cook. In fact, it turns out that her condiment of choice was ketchup. She would put it on everything, not only French fries but filet mignon as well. DZ Aikens was one of her favorite places to go; she loved their rye bread & chopped liver. In fact Sue would bring it to her when she was hospitalized.
Beverly was a worrier; she worried about everything. She worried if the stocks up or down. If she heard from Allen, she worried. if she didn’t hear from him, she worried. She was fretful that she couldn’t solve this or that problem, and when there was nothing to worry about, she would find something to worry about.
Beverly was very independent. She lived on her own until seven years ago. She only needed more care beginning last year. It was not easy for this women who loved life to lose independence. Illnesses began coming more often, and she became more debilitated, and in end she knew that her earthly journey was coming to an end.
Sue & Jerry, who were here in San Diego, took amazing care of her. They made trips for her and gave time, prayers and support–all acts of lover for her.
We will miss Beverly, and particularly as Allen pointed out her wonderful smile.
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Joint Eulogy by Ben Hermes and Rebecca Windsor
Ben “Grandma”
Ben / Rebecca: “Grandma.”
Ben: That’s what we called Beverly Cohen. She was a daughter. A youngest sister. A mother. A grandmother. And 4 and a half years ago added great-grandmother (or “Bubbe” as she liked to be called) to her various titles with the birth of my son RJ.
Rebecca: Simply put, we exist today because of her, but it’s so much more than simple genetics and a family tree and for that we will continue to honor her memory.
Ben: She always meant well and her family was always the most important thing to her. And we felt that love whether it was at our bar or bat mitzvahs, graduating from high school and college, getting married or seeing her light up around her great-grandchildren. We both remember when she held RJ, Audrey and Lila for the very first time and the joy it brought to her life.
Rebecca: As the only girl among all of her grandchildren, I felt an extra special bond with her, and I’m happy that I can continue the maternal bloodline. I have such great memories of our time together, none more so than the Hawaiian cruise I took with my mom and her when I was 14, and how amazing it was to take a helicopter ride around the island with her (mom was too scared to join!). I loved that braveness – she knew how thrilling it would be, even if she was scared, and it truly was a thrilling and memorable ride.
Ben: Let’s not forget her love of playing mahjong with her friends, going camping in the RV (which we were lucky enough to experience first-hand as kids) and her love of performing in the synagogue choir…so many Shabbats and holidays we were blessed with hearing her sing the blessings with her friends and welcoming anyone to join them in prayer. And though it doesn’t apply to me, thankfully it seems RJ has inherited her love of reading. Seriously, the boy would rather read a book than watch TV or go to a movie.
Rebecca: We could go on and on about some of our favorite memories about Grandma and I’m sure each one of you have your own favorite Beverly stories too, which we’ll all be reflecting on in the coming days and weeks.
Ben: But what struck me on the way down here yesterday was that it’s been 28 years since she has been with her beshert, our grandfather, Hemmy. And now they have finally been reunited and that is something to celebrate in addition to the way she’s touched all of our lives.
Ben / Rebecca: We will always love and remember you Grandma.
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Rabbi Rosenthal is spiritual leader of Tifereth Israel Synagogue in San Diego, where both Jerry and Sue Hermes are active members. Ben Hermes and Rebecca Windsor are the adult children of Jerry and Sue.
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San Diego Jewish World’s eulogy series is sponsored by Marc and Margaret Cohen in memory of Molly Cohen, and by Inland Industries Group LP in memory of long-time San Diego Jewish community leader Marie (Mrs. Gabriel) Berg. Rabbi Rosenthal is spiritual leader of Tifereth Israel Synagogue in San Diego.
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