Humoring the headlines: May 11, 2015

By Laurie Baron

Laurie Baron
Laurie Baron

SAN DIEGO─ It was announced that Covenant Journey will provide subsidized trips to Israel for Christian college students.  It will be just like the Operation Birthright tours except no drinking, sexual relations, and kvetching.

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Benjamin Netanyahu formed a coalition government of 61 Knesset Members out of 120.  Although many observers doubt whether such a slim margin can provide the basis of a stable government, Netanyahu asserted “61 is a good number.  At least that’s what Roger Maris always said.”

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A New York Times’ article exposed the low wages and health dangers many manicurists face.   Lawyers for the nail salon industry disputed the findings and threatened to sink their sharp uncut talons into the reporter’s neck.

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Columbia cancelled its anti-coca herbicide program in response to lawsuits filed against the country by American cocaine addicts for their increased incidence of nasal cancer.

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Rand Paul blamed Hillary Clinton for formulating the policies that have transformed Libya into a
“jihadist Wonderland.”  Clinton’s press secretary retorted that the new jihadi theme park has created employment opportunities for the Libyans.

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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University.  He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com .  San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.