By Laurie Baron
MARGATE, New Jersey‒ Donald Trump conceded that the United States might have to permit some Syrian refugees to immigrate here for humanitarian reasons. On second thought, he realized he could make a better deal by offering to trade undocumented Mexican aliens for a group of Syrians and an undisclosed number of white Christian refugees to be named later.
*
Mike Huckabee organized a rally in honor of Kim Davis, the Kentucky clerk imprisoned for not signing marriage certificates for same sex couples. There’s nothing that builds confidence in the ability and judgment of a presidential candidate than to know they value civil servants who refuse to follow the law.
*
President Obama returned from his visit to Alaska, but not until after Sarah Palin reported that she saw the anti-Christ from her front porch. Donald Trump is considering appointing her to head the Department of Energy, a department she vows to abolish. It won’t be the first time she won’t complete her term.
*
A Florida man named Joshua Goldberg was arrested for plotting to detonate a bomb at a 9/11 memorial service in Kansas City. Goldberg professes to be a Muslim. Who knew ISIS put out a Hebrew edition of their magazine?
*
Conservatives in the House of Representatives are confident that they can shut down the government over funding of Planned Parenthood without any political backlash because unborn fetuses never get a chance to see the National Parks even when they are open.
*
Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. Currently serving as the Ida E. King Distinguished Visiting Professor of Holocaust Studies at the Richard Stockton College in Galloway, New Jersey, he may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com . San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.