In reply to Trump’s use of ‘Schlong’

By Stephen Baird, M.D.

SOLANA BEACH, California — Donald Trump recently said that Hillary Clinton got “schlonged” by Barack Obama in the 2008 Democratic Presidential primary elections.  This unleashed a torrent of commentary about the use of Yiddishisms, whether or not the term was useable as a verb form, whether it was vulgar, and so forth.  The following poem takes advantage of this opening.
*

One small reason Donald Trump will not win the women’s vote

When Donald Trump opens his Fresser
Describing the use of a Schlong
We were expecting viel besser
But perhaps Trump’s Schlang ist nicht lang

A Schmuck should be more than a Schmeckel
But we look and we ask, “Wus is los?”
For it seems nothing in Donald’s Peckel
Would make us think Etwas ist gross.

And so when Trump opens his Fresser
To tell us how he is so fein
We know we deserve Etwas besser—
Gross Kopf, aber Schmeckel so klein.

–Stephen Baird, December 24, 2015

*

Glossary:

Yiddish is a Medieval Germanic dialect so I have used German spellings.  Here are the words in the order they appear.  Nouns are capitalized.  I expect comments, suggestions, and criticisms.

Fresser:  a slang term for “mouth.”  “You had to open your big fresser….”
Schlang: literally, “snake.”  A slang term probably best translated as “dick.”
Besser:  better.  viel besser: much better. Etwas besser: something or anything better.
Schlang ist nicht lang:  schlang is not long.
Schmeckel:  diminutive of Schmuck.  Schmuck literally means ornament or jewel.  The English expression “the family jewels,” referring to male genitalia, is similar.  “Look at that big schmuck on the camel,” could either refer to part of a male camel or the person riding on it.|
Wus is los?:  What is wrong?
Peckel: a little package.
Etwas is gross:  Something or anything is big (huge in Trump’s parlance.)
Fein: fine
Gross Kopf, aber Schmeckel so klein:  Big head but little schmeckel.

*
Stephen Baird, MD, is Professor Emeritus of Pathology at UCSD School of Medicine and the singer-songwriter for the Galapagos Mountain Boys, a band that does “scientific gospel” songs.  San Diego Jewish World notes that this column is satire and nothing herein should be taken as fact.