Humoring the headlines: February 15, 2016

By Laurie Baron

Laurie Baron
Laurie Baron

SAN DIEGO─ Within a nanosecond of the news that Antonin Scalia had died in his sleep, Mitch McConnell warned President Obama against nominating a new Supreme Court judge during a presidential election year.  Ted Cruz threatened to “absolutely” filibuster any Obama nominee and make the election a referendum on the Supreme Court.  The new definition of being a true conservative is to gridlock two branches of government.

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Former President George Bush is campaigning for his brother Jeb in South Carolina.  He claimed that Donald Trump is hiding weapons of mass destruction in his casinos and office buildings.

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Pope Francis visited Mexico this weekend because he feared the country might be sealed off for anyone trying to enter or leave it in the near future if Donald Trump is elected President.

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Ted Nugent posted a Facebook photo of 12 prominent American Jews who advocate for tougher gun control laws.  Next to each was a map of Israel implying that gun control is a Jewish plot against the Second Amendment.  To prove him wrong, American Jewish organizations and the Mossad have united to offer substantial rewards for anyone who shoots Nugent.

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In its air campaign against ISIS, Russia bombed two hospitals in Syria following up intelligence reports that the facilities contained sharp weapons, canisters of inflammatory gases like oxygen, and anesthetic drugs that could be released into local water supplies.

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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University.  He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com   San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.