Humoring the headlines: March 18, 2016

By Laurie Baron

Laurie Baron
Laurie Baron

SAN DIEGO─ Accusing the protestor who rushed him at a rally of having ties to ISIS, Donald Trump requested that the Department of Homeland Security place all Sanders supporters on the No Fly List and bar their entry back into the United States when returning from other countries.

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Bibi Netanyahu rejected an invitation from President Obama to meet with him at the White House.  Following the Senate’s current protocol, he has delayed any visit to the United States until the American electorate selects a Republican president.

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Hillary Clinton committed a gaff during an interview about the late Nancy Reagan by praising the former First Lady for raising awareness of AIDS.  Actually, Reagan along with her husband gave orders to the Secret Service to “just say no” to any AIDS activists lobbying for a White House initiative to combat the disease.

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SeaWorld announced that it will end its Orca breeding program and theatrical shows for the Orcas that remain in its captivity.  Under the world’s oceans, whales could be heard chanting, “Black whales lives matter!”  Donald Trump seized the opportunity to condemn the new policy as kowtowing to political correctness and dramatically increasing the Orca unemployment level.

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A coalition of conservative Republican donors and politicians convened to develop a strategy to deny Donald Trump the GOP presidential nomination.  Off the record, one of them admitted that this kind of maneuvering was easier when Harold Stassen was alive.

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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University.  He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com   San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.