By Laurie Baron
SAN DIEGO─ Since he was busy campaigning in Wisconsin, Donald Trump missed his grandson’s circumcision ceremony. Unnamed sources close to Trump have offered another reason: Trump didn’t want to witness his grandson deshlonged.
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Pope Francis issued an apostolic exhortation titled “The Joy of Love” advising Catholic clergy to be more lenient towards congregants who are divorced or practice contraception. Although he consulted with a taskforce of theologians for two years in drafting it, he confessed that Dr. Ruth suggested the title.
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Encountering hostile crowds while stumping for votes in New York, Ted Cruz tried to clarify his earlier insinuation that Donald Trump’s “New York values” aren’t shared by mainstream Americans by insisting he was only talking about real estate prices.
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Toyota has developed a new car called the Setsuna which is made entirely out of wood. Before its release, the company is scrambling to hire thousands of carpenters and termite exterminators to work at its dealerships.
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Bruce Springsteen canceled an upcoming show in North Carolina to protest the state’s law that prohibits transgender individuals from using bathrooms that don’t accord with the gender listed on their birth certificates (the so-called Coder I Pee Law). North Carolina officials claim they disinvited the rock star because he planned to sing the “Streets of Philadelphia” with this new verse:
I had an urge to relieve myself, couldn’t hold it in.
I had gender reassignment, it’s not a sin.
I saw the women’s sign on a bathroom door,
and I’m not male anymore.
They checked my birth certificate,
and was turned away.
From the loos of North Carolina.
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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.