By Laurie Baron
SAN DIEGO─ The Government Accounting Office revealed that the United States still uses floppy discs for the computers which control America’s nuclear arsenal. To allay fears that its technology is antiquated,, a Defense Department spokesperson assured the public that it still possesses the original Betamax video for instructing personnel on how to launch missiles.
Journalists who have read the recently released Trump University “playbook” have discerned similarities between the school’s recruitment pitch and Trump’s presidential campaign. Both promise that four years of Trump’s mentorship will make those who join him great again. Both fail to disclose that yielding to Trump’s promise of success will bankrupt them.
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Those who have criticized Bernie Sanders for burning his bridges to the Democratic Party by vilifying the DNC and Democratic leaders like Barney Frank overstate the harm he could do. Sanders only started building bridges to the Democratic Party in the past year.
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A wild fire threatened to spread to Jerusalem last week. Fortunately, it posed far less danger to Israel’s future than Netanyahu’s recent cabinet appointments.
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Animal rights groups have condemned the Cincinnati Zoo for killing a silverback gorilla named Harambe to prevent him from hurting a child who fell into his enclosure. To atone for this crime, they have demanded that the Zoo dispatch the marksman who shot Harambe to Africa to execute poachers.
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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.