By Laurie Baron
The Art of the Steal: How to Win While You Lose by Donald J. Trump
Freedom of the press means the freedom to sue if you don’t like how it covers you. “One of the things I’m going to do if I win… I’m going to open up our libel laws so when they write purposely negative and horrible and false articles, we can sue them and win lots of money,”
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The polls are skewed. The best polls are those you conduct: “So when you look at that number, of course, the percentage is going to be more skewed in Hillary Clinton’s favor. That’s why when people see these polls, it’s more important that they go and they get their own research, they pull the numbers themselves.” Scottie Nell Hughs (Trump Surrogate)
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If you lose, you actually won because the system is rigged: ““If the election is rigged, I would not be surprised. The voter ID situation has turned out to be a very unfair development. We may have people vote 10 times.”
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Your opponent lies and the women who dominate American society will steal this election: “Crooked Hillary Clinton, perhaps the most dishonest person to have ever run for the presidency, is also one of the all-time great enablers! The only thing she’s got going is the woman’s card,”
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If you lose, your supporters can eliminate your opponent with bullets—oh, I really meant to say ballots: “If she gets to pick her judges, nothing you can do, folks. Although the Second Amendment people — maybe there is, I don’t know.”
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Note: I’m taking a vacation from the column next week despite being sure our presidential politics and world affairs will continue to subject themselves to ridicule.
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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.