Humoring the headlines: September 1, 2016

 

By Laurie Baron

Laurie Baron
Laurie Baron

SAN DIEGO─ While Donald Trump was purportedly softening, Anthony Weiner was hardening.  Trump insinuated that Weiner’s compulsive sexting cast suspicion on Hillary’s judgment because Weiner might have been reading classified information allegedly sent by Hillary to his wife Huma Abedin.  Alternative explanations are that Weiner is just a schmuck or that while reading his wife’s emails he glimpsed a Snapchat photo of Hillary wearing a tank top and thong.

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Quarterback Colin Kaepernick explained his refusal to stand up for the Star Spangled Banner by commenting:  “I am not going to stand up to show pride in a flag for a country that oppresses black people and people of color.”  Although his protest has received much criticism, it accurately reflects the inability of the 102 unarmed African-Americans killed by police in 2015 to ever stand up.

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In his speech about illegal immigration, Donald Trump promised to do more on his first day in office than God did in the seven days of creation.

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Why do Trump rallies always end with the playing of the Rolling Stone’s You Can’t Always Get What You Want?  Maybe it is a caveat to avoid a truth in advertising law suit.

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For the past two weeks, Donald Trump has appealed to Latino voters that he would be better than Hillary in helping their communities.  Then a restrained and diplomatic Trump held a meeting and press conference with the president of Mexico.  That evening he gave a speech that double-downed on all his anti-immigrant rhetoric.  Afterwards, he met with his staff to relax by playing a game of Twister.

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Baron is professor emeritus of history at San Diego State University. He may be contacted via lawrence.baron@sdjewishworld.com   San Diego Jewish World points out to new readers that this column is satire, and nothing herein should be taken literally.