Natasha Josefowitz

How can I write about anything without mentioning the coronavirus? On one hand, a different topic would be a good diversion from the incessant onslaught of bad news; on the other hand, how can I not say something about how to manage and cope and how it is affecting all of us?! [Natasha Josefowitz, Ph.D, ACSW]

When our environment appears to be dangerous, it makes us feel vulnerable. Feeling unsafe, we tend to retreat into safety; safety is being with others like us. We are more secure within our group, where there is support and agreement. [Natasha Josefowitz, Ph.D., ACSW]

 A while back, a young woman asked if she could come over and talk to me. She reads my columns and finds them useful. I was happy to help.

She came over, and we both sat down on my sofa. I asked her why she had come. She burst into tears. When she finally was able to speak, she told me that her long-term partner had left her. I was holding her hand as she spoke. [By Natasha Josefowitz, Ph.D, ACSW]

I do it; all my friends do it; everyone I know does it. “We all say “yes,” “OK,” “I’ll do it,” when we don’t want to. It can be a favor for a friend, additional work for an employer, a helping hand to a co-worker, an errand for a relative, a committee we don’t want to sit on, a fundraiser we don’t want to attend. Why do we say “yes” when we really mean “no”? Do women do it more often than men? I believe they do. After I have said, “yes,” agreed, committed myself, I often regret it. By then, it’s too late. If it is hard to say “no,” it is ten times harder to say, “I’ve changed my mind.” [Natasha Josefowitz, Ph,D]

We have a problem. A silver tsunami is coming our way. It is the baby boomer generation, that high curve on population charts, which has reached retirement age. Not only is our elderly population increasing—the largest growth is people age 85 and older and by 2050 the global population of 65+ year olds will have doubled—but the number of working-age people and fertility rates are shrinking. So, we will have more people needing care and assistance and fewer people available to provide these services. [Natasha Josefowitz, PhD]

Besides food, water, sleep, and shelter, there is another crucial ingredient for survival—the need for friendship, for a connection with other humans. This need starts early in life and lasts throughout it. There are at least four stages in our lives with different friendship needs. School years, parenting, empty nesters and old age. Some friends can last a lifetime, however they need to grow with us over the years as our life circumstances change. My best friend from high school still calls me; she is the only one who remembers my parents. [Natasha Josefowitz, PhD]

I was eating breakfast when she ran up to me excitedly saying, “I’m here.” I had no idea who she was. My bewildered expression must have shown. She exclaimed, “It’s me.” Well, that didn’t help, so I fished for clues. “How have you been?” I asked trying to figure out who she is, all to no avail. She finally left, telling me that she would see me later. As I sat in front of my unfinished bowl of oatmeal, I wondered: Who was that? [Natasha Josefowitz, Phd]

Hoping something bad happens to the perpetrator is responding with revenge. This kind of anger is destructive and can escalate into violent confrontations. But there is also righteous anger. Anger can send a message that something really matters. When strong beliefs are at the foundation of a strong reaction, a fruitful dialogue can ensue which acknowledges the legitimacy of the anger and hopefully leads to a resolution. A parent’s angry message means the child has crossed a line. The boss’s angry tone indicates that the job may be at risk. An angry spouse demands more attention. [Natasha Josefowitz, PhD]

What is surprising is that facts have very little to do with changing people’s minds. Beliefs that have an emotional charge cannot be easily dislodged. We like to hold on to something that has been part of our belief system for a long time; change means we must negate what worked for us for many years, to accept that we had been wrong all those years. We tend to accept information that confirms what we believe and discard contradictory information even when presented as facts. We attach labels to genders, races, and cultures. [Natasha Josefowitz, Ph.D]

A few weeks ago, I got a call from the director of a senior center asking me to give a talk. I have several topics I often lecture on; for seniors it is usually about some aspect of aging. However, the director had a specific subject in mind: could I talk about giving seniors a purpose? So the first thing I did was to research this topic. I found several articles on the subject; every one of them linked better health and longevity to having a purpose. Somehow this did not feel right; I wondered whether it was semantics. [Natasha Josefowitz, PhD]